I've been dating my girlfriend for a little over 6 years. We're happy, committed, and we love each other. Marriage, however, is not an option for us. Why? Because I dislike marriage. I think it's a silly, outdated, sexist, overly emphasized sham that's not worth my or the government's time.
Now you're gonna say "You must have had bad experiences with marriage". Quite the opposite. My parents were married over 40 years, raised 6 children and now have 6 grandchildren. I was raised in what I believe was the best family I possibly could have been. One of my brothers and one of my sisters is married, and there's no divorce anywhere on the close branches of the family tree. I have some friends with married parents, some with divorced. I think my friends with married, happy parents are typically more "stable" in their own relationships. I have two good friends that are recently married (about 6 years each), and they're very happy.
So what's my problem with marriage? I think it's unnecessary. Many marriages aren't happy. Many are entered in what are most likely not optimal circumstances. 50% of marriages end in divorce.
I'm being given all sorts of cultural messages about marriage. I've been dating for over 6 years. I should start "thinking about it". It's about time I "begin to plan for a future". Friends continue to ask me if I'm going to "pop the question". No, no, no.
I'm 25. I'm planning on living well into my 100s. I don't want to set up my romantic future just yet. It's early. Why should I get married SO early in my life, if at all? What's the advantage? Why is it a "Good Thing" (tm)? I already have love, commitment and a healthy physical and emotional relationship with my long term girlfriend. What will marriage change?
Here's what my skeptics will say: Marriage is the union of 2 people under God or the State, it proves your commitment and love, it "makes it official". Maybe you're more into the religious aspect. Marriage is the Christian God's covenant. You can't have sex until you get married.
My answers:
1. I don't particularly want to have a union under a "god" or the state.
I'm atheist and I don't particularly want the gov't involved in my relationships.
Do you?
2. You don't trust me enough to think that my long term girlfriend and I haven't "proved" our commitment to each other? We've been dating longer than most marriages last, we're both adults, and we're both very honest to each other. What would marriage add to this?
3. I think the years of happiness made it official, not a piece of paper and an expensive ceremony.
4. I'm not a Christian, I don't care about the religious aspects of marriage, and don't fool yourself: marriage is considerably older than Christianity.
5. I can have sex anytime I want. Why should ANYONE else besides my girlfriend and myself be involved in my decision to have sex?
I hope that helps explain my position. I don't see the advantage to it. Past that, not all loving couples are allowed to get married. A loving polygamous group or homosexual couple is not allowed marriage, either for social or religious reasons. It's said these things would "give marriage a bad name" and "deface the institution" that is marriage. What's currently good about it? Marriage has a 50% failure rate. Many marriages that haven't yet ended in divorce are unhappy. My married, happy parents are rare within most of my groups of friends. Rates of cheating is high in many marriages. I don't see how letting loving people get married that happen not to be "traditional" couples will hurt anything. I see no problem with churches not allowing gay or polygamous marriages within their walls. It's their right. But non religious marriages? Why should biblical law continue to influence decisions that the state makes, especially concerning personal relationships?
Just because you've had a wedding and are married, there' s no reason why that should make you "more committed" or "more in love". 50% of all married people can attest to that. I love my girlfriend. But if for some reason I want to call off our relationship, or she does, we could do it. We'd have trying times, from personal experience it's difficult to separate from anyone you've been involved with for 2 years, even if the love is gone and neither of you really wants to be with the other anymore. Marriage, however, is a different story. You can't just "end" it. You need to get permission. You need to file for divorce. To "file for divorce" is a lengthy process that basically comes down to the government giving you permission to end your personal relationship. You being married doesn't mean you still love each other, most relationships end at some point (other than those rare instances in which death does truly do you part). Why get the government involved in your love life?
Marriage is an old custom in which a woman is given to a man, often times to raise social status or for the exchange of goods. Marriages were rarely about love, they were about property. And although we've taken and expanded them to what they are today, they no longer serve a purpose other than let the government keep track and to show before your god or gods that you're committed (not too many people seem to remember that "god" part when the marriage turns out not to be perfect). I have love, I have commitment, I have a healthy, happy, honest relationship with my girlfriend. Why ruin it?