jozjozjoz.com :: brain barf

I'll take one of these.

Yeah, I think I could live if someone gave me one of these for my birthday or something.

Must go update my Amazon Wishlist.

Hee hee.

when the cat's away....

the yoshi will play!

things i did this weekend while my girlfriend was in vegas watching strippers:

made 3 cd's worth of music for my brother's wedding--over three hours of music for the reception. you have your standard wedding fare (at least standard at any wedding where my family is involved) of funk, disco, hip-hop, and oldies, and then there's the stuff for the bride--music you'd find on dawson's creek, buffy, or movies like serendipity and bounce. eeek.

i went to a karaoke store in the valley to try and find a song that i'm supposed to sing at my brother's wedding in the right key. alas, it was not to be found. so i had to buy a karaoke machine so that i could change the key. sound crazy? yeah, well, i can't suck at my brother's wedding. and it's easier to buy the sucker and perhaps return it after i'm done using it.

then, it was back over the hill to century city mall to get some grub. thought about seeing a movie, realized that 5 pm is the wrong time to try and get a ticket (1/2 an hour late for the 4:30, 2 hours early for the 7 pm show), so i walked around for a bit, drooled over furniture in restoration hardware, the suits at bloomingdale's, the new gadgets at the rand mcnally store. two hours wasted and it was time to head off again.

i ended up at movies and more (our local movie rental place; i refuse to go to blockbuster) and rented drumline, bringing down the house, and real women have curves. nothing more to say about them really, except i watched them all in one sitting, and didn't go to bed til 3 in the morning.

sunday i woke up, didn't go to the gym like i planned, watched 2 episodes of trading spaces that i'd tivo'd the night before, and went to costco. i usually won't go on the weekends because it's so nucking futs there, but i figured i wasn't in a hurry so it wouldn't be so bad. the maneuvering around all the people sucked, but all the checkstands were open, so i was in and out in about 1/2 an hour. then i dropped by the optometrist's office, was able to get a contact lens examination, got my new prescription, and decided to go look at glasses at lens crafters in westside pavillion.

got there, was sidetracked by the "everything must go!" sign on the walking co.'s storefront, and spent a good 45 minutes trying on shoes. i bought 2 pairs of boots that i didn't really need but were SO comfortable and cheap i couldn't pass them up.

then i went and picked up a couple of things for jozjozjoz, including new socks, cuz hers were HORRIBLE! and closed down the mall.

all told, i spent over $500 this weekend. sheesh. and people wonder why my girlfriend is in charge of all the credit cards.

Eerie story from Erie

I'm still recovering from my weekend. Here is a strange story I read this morning. All I can say is "What the hell?!?!" -jozjozjoz

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Photo of pizza man’s cane gun shown
FBI also offers $50,000 reward for information in bank heist

The FBI on Thursday released this photo of the cane gun found in the possession of pizza deliveryman Brian Wells.

MSNBC STAFF AND WIRE REPORTS

ERIE, Pa., Sept. 25 — Investigators looking into the death of a pizza deliveryman who was killed when a bomb locked around his neck exploded after he robbed a bank released photos Thursday of a strange cane-shaped firearm found in the man’s car and offered a $50,000 reward for information in the case. Wells, 46, died when the bomb locked on his neck exploded shortly after his arrest on Aug. 28.

FBI AGENT Bob Rudge said the weapon fired shotgun shells and appeared to be homemade. Investigators hope someone will recognize the weapon, which is made of wood and metal, and contact them with information.
“We know that Mr. Wells was instructed to take the cane inside (the bank) to commit the robbery,” Rudge said. He did not say how the FBI knows that, and he refused to say whether the cane-gun had been fired.
Rudge said behavioral specialists at FBI headquarters in Quantico, Va., had developed a profile of the person who may have made the weapon. Rudge called the person who made the weapon patient, mature and “deceptive.”
Brian Wells, in a photograph copied from his driver's license
“This may not be the only cane gun the individual has manufactured,” Rudge said. He added that the person could have shown the weapon to someone.
Wells, 46, died when the customized bomb locked on his neck exploded shortly after his arrest on Aug. 28. Police officers who had arrested him were waiting for a bomb squad to arrive when the device detonated.
Before he died, Wells told police he had been forced to rob a PNC Bank branch by someone who locked the bomb to his body. He did not identify the person before he died.
Authorities have previously released police sketches of two men they would like to question about the case and photos of the bomb and the connected timing device.
Investigators found a lengthy note afterward instructing Wells to visit four sites in the area to obtain instructions on how to remove or deactivate the bomb.

The Associated Press contributed to this report.

I am grateful to be home.

Especially because it took me SEVEN hours to get home from Vegas.

Damn Sunday night traffic. (My fault for leaving late.)

Thanks to everyone who stayed with me on the phone (the entire way there and the entire way back) so I didn't have to feel alone in the desert for a single moment. You rawk!

Off I go!

I'm leaving yoshi, sharky, professoreric, and tcubed in charge!

Vegas, here I come! (Getting my dialing finger ready)

So even though I don't get to see Krix on my trip to Vegas this weekend, I'm excited because I found out that my friend, Mike Carlucci (radio/sports announcer, longtime Dodger PA announcer) will be in Vegas this weekend to call a L.A. Kings (vs. the Colorado Avalanche) game at the MGM Grand!

Even though I will be busy running around the Strip with my cousin & her friends, I'm going to make time to see Mike, who I haven't seen since I visited him while he was calling a Dodger game for the 4th of July about 2-3 years ago.

I will also spend most of my drive across the desert (to and from) listening to CDs or Books on Tape, or making phone calls (hooray for free weekend minutes and free long distance!). So among others, Cheyenne, Heather, Krix, Don, Ericalynn, Kevin & Ginny, Michael, and Mikey2 will be getting calls from me. I also promised Genevieve Gallen a call (we have much to catch up on!).

Do I owe you a call?

You'd better make sure I have your # before I go... :P

I'm a dumbass. (Reason #24651353)

I let some time pass before writing this so that maybe I would not feel like such a dumbass. Despite the fact that a week has gone by, the feeling has not subsided. I realize that there's no denying it, so I may as well embrace it.

What did I do this time?

Remember how last week, I was complaining that it would be $530 (plus tax) to bail my car out of the dealership?

I had left the car at the dealership all day while I was at work, figuring that I wouldn't need my car until I needed to drive home. I was able to arrange lunch with my friend (former co-worker) A.C. at a Thai place that was within walking distance, so I didn't need my car to go out to lunch, either.

So, like my usual workaholic self, I was working my ass off on a fine Friday afternoon, despite the fact that my boss was out of the office for the day. Although I COULD HAVE/SHOULD HAVE left early, I stayed late to work on some projects that I really wanted done before the weekend.

Before I knew it, it was 6:30 and I realized I should probably go bail my car out. A.C. had offered to take me to get my car (It turns out that AC lives 2 blocks away from our Lot!), so I called him to pick me up. In 5 minutes, I was hopping into his Jeep, on the way to the dealership.

As we got there, I saw the dealership dudes closing the gates. They close at 6:30 on Fridays! I begged and begged the dude to let me get my car, but I could see the cashiers were already outside and there was nothing they could do. "See you tomorrow," were NOT words I wanted to hear at that moment.

My car had to spend the night in maintanence jail because I was too dumb to leave work on time & go get my car when I was supposed to. A.C. was a total sweetie and drove me all the way across town during Friday traffic so I could get home at a decent hour. It's a good thing he did. When I told Yoshi what I'd done, the response was, "I'm not picking you up." Good thing I was already in A.C.'s car and on the way home when I called. Otherwise, I would have been stranded with nothing but my bags of work in Hollywood on a Friday night.

Anyway, Yoshi and I woke up early and drove all the way back across town on Saturday morning so I could go pay the $550 ransom and since I was right near work, I spent another 4 hours in the office doing work (isn't that what got me in trouble in the first place?).

I was mad and grumpy when I bailed my car out AND IT HADN'T BEEN CLEANSED even though it was clearly stated on the work order that my vehicle was to be washed. After paying $550, you'd think the least I'd get is a free car wash. (Trust me, it was totally disgusting and dusty.) I complained that my car was still dirty when the dealership dude was releasing the car back to me (he was on his cell phone while doing all this) and he said "Next time, I promise." WHATEVER!

Aside from being grumpy that my car was still dirty, I was also miffed they did not put the tire cover back on my spare (it's pretty hard to do and I asked them to do it). I ended up going to the office, paying an extra $15 for the car wash guys at the Lot to make my car nice and sparkly (the way I was hoping it'd be after paying the ransom). It's now Thursday and my tire cover is still sitting in my trunk (instead of on my spare tire)... grrrr!

So now I'm $565 poorer, but my car is running well & everything is ship-shape. At least I know I've done my part to make sure my drive across the desert this weekend will be a safe one.

date night

yes, from time to time, jozjozjoz and i have date night. one night where we have dinner in a restaurant instead of in front of our computers, attend a concert or show or something, and then return home to sit in front of our respective computers until we are crosseyed and have to go to bed so we can get up and go to work the next morning.

ok, so this happens once every three or four months. we suck at date night.

but tonight we actually had dinner together at ciudad downtown and went to varekai.

dinner was delicious, we started with Argentine Empanadas--wild mushroom with chipotle, and Swiss chard with tomatillo and a salad of Romaine Hearts with chile strips, green plantain croutons, and cabrales blue cheese vinaigrette. our main course was the Slow Cooked Beef Shortribs with a panca bbq sauce, red yam puree, and red cabbage. although jozjozjoz wasn't too excited by the red yam puree.

then we had pretty good seats to varekai, and aside from the kid behind us who kept kicking my chair, it was a really enjoyable experience. i can't decide if i liked the aerial acts best or the acrobatics or the music. the vocalists they had were amazing. i wish i had read more about the story before i went, so i could more fully understand what was going on, but on the whole i recommend this show to everyone. and for those of you who haven't seen any of cirque du soleil's productions, yes, you must see at least one in your lifetime--it's not your average circus!

Oh yeah!

We are going to see Cirque du Soleil's Varekai tonight at the Staples Center!

UPDATE: Mike has informed me that Wil & Anne were at the same show as we were. No, I didn't see them. I guess it's a good thing that Yoshi & I didn't run into "my boyfriend, Wil" on our date night.

Gotta keep myself busy somehow...

My gf is in Vienna, Austria visiting her family, and i'm going nuts trying to keep myself busy to pass the time away until she gets back. Usually time flys - especially when you are having fun, but I'm not having fun, all work and no play makes sharky go insane!

To keep myself busy and amused during the day I do a bit of work, chat up some friends, bug jozjozjoz, and surf the net. One of my favorite places to visit on a daily basis is Skurdycat's blog site. I'm so loving the adorable photo of Jen as a child, I'm sure you'll like it too. She recently posted this great link to a UK website that's kept me quite busy this morning (and keeping me from working). It's a slang website and you type in a word and it gives you the Brit slang for it. So I thought I'd share it with you all .... here are some phrases I typed in:

jozjozjoz
n. an inquiry of health, and confirmation of same.
"Hey there, old chap - jozjozjoz?" "Jozjozjoz."

yoshi
v. to kiss violence.
"We should yoshi, girl."

professor eric
adj. more exceptional than usual.
"Do you like my girl, Jackie?" "Yeah, it's professor eric."

tcubed
n. a type of television programme.
"Check out that tcubed, buddy!"

sharky the kid
n. a particularly irritating girl.
"What's with the sharky the kid, Billy?"

Denise
adj. colourful.
"Girl, you're so Denise."

Interesting that they are sooooo eerily on the mark *wink*

Bussi Bussi Bussi mein schatz

(Also seen at jewdez and snazzykat)

Another Public Service Announcement from the ::jozjozjoz:: Network: WARNING! No ice in the ass!

If you party too hard and pass out, do not try to revive yourself like this.

Thanks to OutOutBlogger, who sent me the link in the first place.

me (11:48:48 AM): Did you blog about this yet?
OutOutBlogger (11:48:57 AM): no, but i'm thinking about it
her (11:49:18 AM): did you want to?
me (11:49:42 AM): I might
her (11:49:47 AM): sure. go ahead.
me (11:49:47 AM): I sent it to my friends via IM
me (11:49:52 AM): They are cracking up
me (11:49:55 AM): No pun intended
her (11:49:59 AM): har har

So here are some of the IMs I exchanged with other friends about this...

(after sending him the link)
plasticfruit (11:51:19 AM): you know....
him (11:51:25 AM): I could have told you THAT
me (11:52:32 AM): Come on!
me (11:52:54 AM): Isn't that the most logical way of reviving someone who has passed out from an OD?
him (11:53:18 AM): OMG - you made me spew water
him (11:53:23 AM): hahahahahahahaa
me (11:55:24 AM): Don't forget that this weekend if someone passes out while line dancing
me (11:55:44 AM): Although it may be very tempting to rip their pants off and shove ice up their asses, IT MAY NOT BE SAFE!
me (11:56:18 AM): *This concludes the public service announcement from jozjozjoz. We now return to our regular programming.*
him (11:57:10 AM): bwaahahahahaha

BUT WAIT! There's more...

(after sending her the link)
friend (11:47:02 AM): you are weird
me (11:47:31 AM): Why do you say that?
her (11:47:46 AM): need you really ask?
me (11:48:19 AM): I'd like to see if this accusation is grounded in any kind of truth
her (11:48:47 AM): I don't think I need to explain
her (11:48:53 AM): the link you just sent me says it all
her (11:49:01 AM): and have you looked at your own website lately
me (11:49:24 AM): I'll have you know that that link is a PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
her (11:49:30 AM): right
me (11:49:33 AM): I *care* so I *share*
her (11:49:50 AM): I'll remember that next time I'm a gay man in a club and I pass out due to a drug od

Warning on ice cube enemas
By Judy Skatssoon
September 24, 2003

DRUG and medical experts have issued a warning following evidence that would-be first aiders have been using ice cube "enemas" to revive people from drug overdoses.

Experts say putting ice cubes up the rectums of unconscious people has no physiological benefit and can even lead to seizures and stroke.

According to Paul Dillon, research officer with the National Drug and Alcohol Research Centre (NDARC), some people have been attempting to insert ice cubes into the anuses of friends who have become unconscious after taking the party drug GHB in the mistaken belief that it will revive them.

But GHB overdose expert David Caldicott, of the Emergency Department of Royal Adelaide Hospital, said the practice was potentially hazardous.

Quoted in the gay community newspaper the Sydney Star Observer, Dr Caldicott said putting an object into the rectum of someone not expecting it could cause a "vagal" reaction.

This occurs when the vagus nerve, which slows the heart, is activated.

On top of the blood pressure-lowering effects of GBH, a vagal reaction can potentially stop blood flow to the brain.

The matter should not be treated as a joke, Mr Dillon said.

"An overdose in a club is embarrassing enough for the person involved," he told the Star Observer.

"The sight of the incapacitated person with their pants around their ankles having people inserting ice cubes is beyond humiliating and potentially dangerous.

"Some of the people doing this should know better and should not pretend to be trained medical professionals."

The procedure could also result in charges of sexual assault, he said.

AAP

Also seen at revelling.

Buttery Jesus

You all need to praise the Butter Jesus. Do you not remember he was pasteurized for our sins?

Found at: jesusoftheweek

And more in-depth at: Duffy's Website

Curious how we came across this Midwestern delight? “Hurl Some More” to hear me tell the short story long…

So this morning we decided we wanted coffee and so we saw a Krispy Kreme drive through and decided that it would be fast to go there. Well it wasn’t. Let’s just say there are a lot of people here, who do not think about how much fat they eat every day. People were ordering boxes and boxes. Hopefully some of these were for various offices, and not all going to themselves, but unfortunately I have a feeling that is not the case. This is evident by the fact that when we pulled up to the squawk box, we were greeted and asked “How many dozen of creamy, hot, dripping doughnuts do you want today?.” The many adjectives and adverbs that get thrown out here for food introductions are absurd. And there is usually some sort of mention or usage of at least 2 or 3 of these words: creamy, buttery, cheesy, thick, slather, dripping, lots, tons, boatloads, etc. in these descriptions. Don’t get me wrong, I am not the healthiest of people, I love my fats, and sugars. But from what I see here, there is a Guinness book of world’s records record to be won here. (I dare not go to a pie-eating contest.)

Ok, point being, we were in the car, making fun of all of this, and in my bad (yes, offensive) midwestern accent we started declaring our “favorites.” Like: “oh my, I love my cheese!” or “mmm.. you know me an crème sauces.” As we drove to work, with just our coffees, no doughnuts, we passed a whole bunch of churches. Most of them have those boards out front where they write about masses etc. And you know how they also sometime do those messages, or quotes from a psalm? Here they are rather weird, and sometimes creepy. Can’t remember any right now. I did once see one that said, “In God we trust, but lock your cars.” Anyway so we started jackin’ on how some here are also obsessive over god too. So that began “Oh, love my Jesus!” which denigrated to “oh I love my buttery creamy Jesus” to finally “Oh I love my butter Jesus.” We both looked at each other at that moment and realized that out here, there must be butter that is shaped like Jesus, our spreadable lord and savior. At the office, I hear laughing from the other room. I walk in to find this lovely picture of The Last Supper, Jesus and all completely made out of butter. And, as mentioned in the documentary short on her website to paraphrase “Jesus is at the head of the table as opposed to in the middle.” So for all of those bored at work check out here movie. You can also order, to frame and hang over the mantle, next to that great picture of the kids on Santa’s lap at Macys. She can send you a Kodak color print (8" x 10") of The Last Supper are
$8 and shipping is included in that price.

So here is my favorite part of the story. I copy the QuickTime file, which shows Duffy making a butter sculpture of a cow, and put it on the server so that we could laugh and I jokingly told them that we should remember to include it in next years festival. One of our great volunteers overhears, and says, “Oh, she builds those butter cows every year at the state fair.” Apparently, as mentioned also on her website, she has done many other butter sculptures of farm scenes, famous works of art of course "and extraordinary people, including President Eisenhower, Elvis Presley, country singer Garth Brooks." Everyone else in the office seemed to know her and her work too. I guess we were the last to know. Oh well, enjoy our buttery savior. -professoreric

The jozjozjoz dance

I've received tons of some requests from people wanting to see the jozjozjoz dance.

Well, here you go. (Every word is a link to a different dance.)

Thanks to fridayfishwrap for the link. :)

Joz Jammy Jam

[Updated: 1/6/04. Comments/pings are now closed on insignifica. See this post here at jozjozjoz.com]

This past Saturday night, I had the pleasure of attending another bridal shower for (another) cousin who is getting married this year. Because her mother works during the day, the shower was planned for the evening (pajama party) so she could attend. Despite the fact that so many people were late (myself included) due to horrendous traffic and road closures, it was a very nice, fun shower. I'll write more about the shower itself and put up some pictures in a separate post.

I'm really looking forward to this wedding because I get to geek out at some of the cool gadgets they'll have there. The bride and groom had won the grand prize for the HP Signature Style Wedding Contest. Check out the prize list! HP gave them a whole mess of really cool stuff, including homework (homework = not so cool). A group of seven of us stayed until 1:30am for the "Assembly After Party" (to fold, stuff, punch holes, & tie the beautiful, elaborate programs that were specially designed for them (paid for by HP) and printed on expensive handmade metallic silver paper (also paid for by HP) using the brand new HP printer (not available yet on the market) that she won.

One of the coolest things about the party is that we took digital pictures and then were immediately able to print them out on (one of the) HP Photosmart 230 Printers she won. It was very cool. Instant gratification at its best.

Anyway, here's a picture of me and my bear right after getting home from the party. My friend James already told me I looked like a raver, which cracks me up because I'm sooo not a raver-chick (hey! I'm not wearing a pacifier nor am I sucking on a lollipop!). (Can you see Joz saying "PLUR"?! Ha!)

Joz Jammy Jam

Next weekend, we all head out to Vegas for the bachelorette party. The rumor is that we'll be going to see The Thunder From Down Under and then go dancing the night away. Perhaps we will get another cheesy photo with hot, half-naked, sweaty guys to add to my collection.

BTW, I'm quite disappointed I won't get to see Krix this weekend... she's coming to L.A. for the weekend! We are going to wave at each other as we pass each other on the I-15.

Why is this necessary?

This was originally an email to Joz, but I thought I'd throw it out there for some more comments and thoughts...

I finally uploaded my pictures from my trip out here to Wichita, and remembered this bizarre billboard that i had to take a picture of.

Here are my questions: Why are the quotation marks necessary? Who are they
quoting? And most importantly, what has happened or rather how many times has something happened to make them feel necessary to put up this billboard? I am also curious if any statistics have been taken about the success of this sign. has the rate decrease? has it given more people ideas they shouldn't have? hmmmm... so many questions for one roadside sign.... i wish the answere was as easy to gather as the Alien Fresh Jerky sign that you pass on the way to vegas (it is just a shack that sells jerky... i believe there is even a website.)

remember the days of good ol' fashioned billboards? what has happened? and why is the bible belt so fucking weird... "the world may never know" (as a tootsie-pop commercial once said.)

-proferic

Yes, we have no red carpet images...

Sorry Joz baby and all of the blog fans - I let you down. I feel really bad. Thursday night when I went to the Secondhand Lions premiere down in Westwood, I was running late, and completely forgot my cell phone and camera! Thus there are no red carpet photos of anyone.

So to make it up to you all, I'm posting a photo of the Yummy-licious Ms. Jennifer Garner who was at the Nautica Malibu Triathlon the Sunday before the premiere. It was a fun day out at the beach watching all the athletes compete, also a good place to star watch, as well as cheering on my sweetheart who did her very first triathlon (Congrats sweetie, i'm so proud of you!)

Before the race, I talked for a few minutes with former Ironman Triathlon Champ Aussie Greg Welch (who was cheering on his wife Sian Welch), Actor William H. Macy (who is so good looking in person) we chatted a bit about his cycling leg of a relay team - and his beautiful and talented wife Felicity Huffman was running the anchor leg of the team. And there were other stars scattered around here and there. So without further delay... the gorgeous and oh so talented...... Ms. Jennifer Garner

4am and I'm just getting in from another full day of running around.

That is all.

Guess who's at the office this fine Saturday afternoon?

Yup, me.

At Office #1. And no giant Diet Coke for me to find solace in.

Sucks.

Final ransom amount: $530 (plus tax)

That's right! The car dealership service department is holding my car hostage and I must pay $530 (plus tax) to get it back!

Ok, so I brought it in to do the yearly maintenance ($140). I asked them to check my tires (I knew there was a giant bolt/nail in the spare) and they found giant nails in my spare tire AND my right front tire ($30 to patch). I've had this ongoing problem starting the car & it turns out they have to replace the idle air control valve and clean the throttle body ($360). All of this is including coupons and discounts.

At least my brakes are fine. I shouldn't complain... at least I have a (pretty) nice car to drive my ass around town.

Plus, they're going to wash the sucker for me so it'll be nice and shiny when I get it back. It's the least they can do after sucking me dry.

I mean $530 is enough to fly one of my cabana boys out for a weekend... you know?

Went to bed late, got up early!

Got to bed around 3:40am.

Woke up around 7am. Had to stop by Office #2 & then drop off my very badly abused car at the dealership for its yearly maintenance.

At the Office #1 early... all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Or something.

I must be delirious to be in such a good mood after so little sleep... or maybe I'm just craving another giant Diet Coke.

I tried, I really tried... (to sleep)

After drinking my 52 oz., I left Office #2 at a very decent 12:30, getting home around 12:45. I did a bit of work and got in the shower and was in bed by 1:30.

Except that either the caffeine kicked in or (more likely) I was not exhausted enough to fall asleep, knowing I had some major tasks I hadn't yet finished.

Now it's heading to 2:00am and I've gotten back up to work some more... wheeee!

Another 52 oz. Diet Coke means...

... another late night at Office #2.

This is getting old. Is it sad that I get excited about my giant Diet Coke when I have to stay late at the office?

I have it on good authority...

... that our very own Sharky The Kid will be walking the red carpet tonight at the Westwood premiere of Secondhand Lions!

The movie stars Haley Joel Osment (Walter), Michael Caine (Garth McCaan), Robert Duvall (Hub McCaan), Josh Lucas (Adult Walter), Nicky Katt, Michael O'Neill, Kyra Sedgwick (Mae), Emmanuelle Vaugier; etc.

I've already checked and Sharky *IS* bringing a camera. Let's hope we can convince her to share some nice fotos from the premiere!

Secondhand Lions Official Site & Yahoo Site

Help me... I'm drowning in work!

Anyone willing to throw me a lifesaver?

As usual, I'm overworked, underpaid, but I'm unusually stressed out and overwhelmed.

Well at least I'm not being sued my by grandmother...

Eminem Being Sued By Grandmother
Woman Claims She's Not Been Paid For Use Of Music

POSTED: 1:09 p.m. EDT September 18, 2003
UPDATED: 3:20 p.m. EDT September 18, 2003

Eminem is feeling the heat from a 70-year-old grandmother over a piece of her late husband's music.

According to court documents obtained by TheSmokingGun Web site, Harlene Stein is suing the rapper (whose real name is Marshall Mathers), producer Dr. Dre (whose real name is Andre Young), label Interscope Records and seven other parties for allegedly sampling Ronald Stein's "Pigs Go Home" for Eminem's song "Guilty Conscience" without authorization.

Ronald Stein, who died in 1988, was a film composer. The document says "Pigs Go Home" -- an instrumental composition -- was featured in the 1970 Candice Bergen-Elliott Gould drama "Getting Straight."

The liner notes to "The Slim Shady LP" mention that "Guilty Conscience" contains an "interpolation" From "Pigs Go Home" but does not name Ronald Stein as composer.

Harlene Stein says she has not been paid for its use. Her suit does not specify monetary damages. The "Slim Shady LP" sold over five million copies, according to TheSmokingGun.

Eminem's representatives had no comment on the litigation.

Copyright 2003 by NBC4.tv. The Associated Press contributed to this report. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

Joz3: The Movie... It makes me sound like a threat to pussies everywhere!

Thank you to Michael for his homage to my upcoming movie. Thanks also for the contribution to the Joz3 Soundtrack™.

I don't know about the tagline, though. Then again, anything that makes me seem mean and threatening without involving my can of Joz Whup-Ass™ cracks me up (even if it does makes me sound like a total perv).

P.S. - I have no idea why he makes it seem like I've been sitting here, talking to him about my pussy! I am a lady! I said no such things in mixed company! :)

I say nothing. (But you can feel free to comment)

I saw this over at Ernie's mini-blog.

I laughed so hard, I had to leave the office for a bit.

Karoshi!? Who me?!

So is it bad that three different people sent this story to my inbox today?!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On and on and on the job
Long workweeks, short vacations putting Americans in a health squeeze

Mariko Thompson
Los Angeles Daily News
Sept. 16, 2003 12:00 AM

The Japanese have a term for being worked to death - karoshi. Americans might not know the term but ought to be familiar with the concept. Surveys have found Americans are working long hours and taking little leisure time, a stressful state of affairs that could have profound effects on health and well-being.

Over the past decade, U.S. workers have surpassed the Japanese in hours worked - about two weeks more per year, labor statistics show. An annual survey by the National Sleep Foundation found that 38 percent of American adults work 50 hours or more a week. Among U.S. workers receiving paid vacation, one in six is unable to use all the allotted time, the Oxford Health Plans national survey found.

"Work-life balance is something we're really struggling with in this country," said David Logan, associate dean of the USC Marshall School of Business. "We don't have the issue under control by any means."

Unlike other industrialized nations, the United States doesn't mandate a minimum amount of vacation time. Most U.S. companies provide two weeks to full-time employees after one year of service. Countries in the European Union require at least four weeks of paid vacation.

Economists are split on the impact of vacation time on business, Logan said. Some see increasing vacation time as driving up the cost of labor. But there's also evidence that rested employees are a boost to productivity. Studies have shown that people are better able to handle stress after taking a vacation. Depending on the length of the vacation and how relaxing it was, that rebound effect can last up to 90 days, Logan said.

Work or don't work
Although Americans value hard work, that Puritan ethic is not the only factor keeping employees tethered to their desks, experts say. Surveys suggest downsizing has made many Americans anxious about job security. People also worry work will pile up while they're gone. The Oxford Health Plan found that nearly a third of employees work through lunch and never leave the building once they arrive for work. Nineteen percent said they felt obligated to work even when sick or injured.

Diane Boyd, a small-business owner who puts in at least 12 hours a day, knows how hard it is to schedule a vacation. Boyd, owner of Curves for Women in Encino, Calif., just launched a second fitness center franchise in Tarzana. After two years of working non-stop, Boyd took two weeks off in June to travel to France.

"Owners do everything," Boyd said. "If someone can't come to work, we fill in. But the rewards merit the work."

A certain amount of job stress is unavoidable. Researchers say job satisfaction and feelings of control determine whether stress has adverse effects on health.

In studies on job stress and health, workers experiencing heavy workloads with little decisionmaking power were at greatest risk for high blood pressure and heart disease, said Paul Landsbergis, an assistant professor at Mount Sinai School of Medicine in New York and a research associate at the Center for Social Epidemiology in Santa Monica. Workers who feel job strain - high demands and little control - have double the risk of dying from heart disease, he said.

"Executives tend to get less heart disease than people lower on the economic ladder," Landsbergis said.

A recent study by Ohio State University researchers suggests how chronic stress undermines the immune system. The husband-wife team of Ronald Glaser, professor of viral immunology, and Janice Kiecolt-Glaser, professor of psychiatry, looked at people who cared for a spouse suffering from dementia. The caregivers, faced with the unpredictable demands of dementia, had unusually high levels of a protein called interleukin-6.

IL-6 triggers inflammation that helps the immune system fight infection. But producing too much IL-6 can lead to heart disease, arthritis, osteoporosis and type 2 diabetes. Though age naturally raises levels of IL-6, so does stress. The caregivers in the Ohio State study had four times more IL-6 than the control group.

"Potentially, the chronic stress is aging the immune system," Kiecolt-Glaser said.

You are what you do
Marc Graff, a Reseda-based psychiatrist for Kaiser Permanente, said the American work-based culture also has psychological implications. The emphasis on work has created a situation in which people build their identities around their jobs. With little leisure time for family, friends or getting involved in their community, people have become increasingly isolated, he said.

"These days, people belong to nothing," he said. "Work is the one thing they do."

Is there any way to break the all-work, no-play cycle? John de Graaf, national coordinator of the Take Back Your Time Day campaign, plans to give it a try. The campaign, backed by the Simplicity Forum, selected Oct. 24, nine weeks before the end of the year, as the date to represent the 350 hours more per year that Americans work compared with workers in Western Europe, de Graaf said.

De Graaf hopes Take Back Your Time Day will create awareness of the work issue just as Earth Day brought attention to the environment.

"We do have the highest standard of material living among industrialized countries," de Graaf said. "If that's the measure of life, we're doing OK. What we're sacrificing are other values that are important to a good and balanced life."

Joe Robinson, Santa Monica-based author of Work to Live and the founder of the Work-to-Live campaign, is pushing for a national paid-leave law that would provide all employees with three weeks of vacation.

"I tend to think overwork is the Number 1 family values issue," Robinson said. "We work 100 hours a year more than the Japanese. I'd hate to see what our karoshi numbers look like."

What kind of bizarre world do I live in?

I've got another 18+ hour work day this joyous Monday, so I am going to resurrect more IMs from the past.

Working for The BossMan is mostly calm & peaceful, punctuated by the occasional quirky absurdity that makes life here blogworthy. My part-time assistant is quite sweet & shy and somehow The BossMan managed to get her to admit to taking bellydancing classes on the weekends... here are my IMs with professoreric (on one of his days off)...

8/18/2003
me (5:46:33 PM): OMG OMG OMG!
me (5:46:34 PM): OMG!
me (5:46:35 PM): OMG!
me (5:46:37 PM): hahahahahah
me (5:46:43 PM): The BossMan just called [my assistant] into his office
professoreric (5:47:01 PM): oh no!
me (5:47:04 PM): He's watching a Sting video with "Desert Rose"
him (5:47:08 PM): really?
me (5:47:13 PM): and there is a belly dancer in the background
me (5:47:22 PM): and he's asking how her bellydancing compares to hers!
him (5:47:22 PM): what is going on!?
me (5:47:26 PM): hahahahahahahahaah
him (5:47:29 PM): what!!!!!!!!!?
him (5:47:54 PM): blog blog blog!
me (5:48:06 PM): hahahaha
me (5:48:11 PM): SHE'S SO EMBARASSED! IT'S CRACKING ME UP! THAT'S SO WRONG!
me (5:48:17 PM): But it is the highlight of my day at work
him (5:51:33 PM): Ah yes. The joys of working for The BossMan :-)

Seabiscuit Revisited

A while back, I mentioned that I worked at the auction selling Seabiscuit Memorabilia.

Well, I am working at that auction house today (yes, I am working on Sunday. I work pretty much all the time) & before things get rolling, I thought I'd resurrect some really funny IMs professoreric sent me a while back.

8/29/2003
professoreric (5:12:40 PM): oh joz, [my friend] is angry at me now
him (5:13:16 PM): she asked me if i heard anything about [the movie] Seabiscuit, and i made up a stupid story.
him (5:13:24 PM): and then she told me to shut up.
him (5:13:49 PM): here is what i said: rumor has it that Tobey Maguire plays a gay talking horse in that film, teaching kids to be open to the idea of homosexual livestock. people liked it but thought that the singing horse scenes were a bit much. it is the scene where Seabiscuit (voice by Tobey) is being hit on by a beautiful palomino wearing a sequin lounge dress and pink pumps. he obviously has no interest in here, and she tries harder by singing an erotic horse song. it is not mocking, it is the plot of the movie. people really like the scene where they are all in the shower after gym class and seabiscuit notices just how hung the other male horses are (yes, hung like a horse) and is very turned on and has to hide behind the saddle pile. luckily no one notices, except of course, Charles, the aristocrat gay horse, who is a bit on the flaming side. well, Charles trots up to him and makes some rude comment, some sort of disgusting come on line, and seabiscuit freaks out and runs away. in the end there is a great scene where he comes out to the stable, and they all learn a lot about accepting horses, no matter who they are. oh, and to end the plot, gross Charles, dies in a horrible church fire.
him (5:13:57 PM): she wont talk to me for a while now...
joz (5:14:07 PM): hahahahahahaha

Things on my anti-wishlist

After the whole ordeal of buying the perfect clutch to go with my outfit for the Emmys, I was reminded of the importance of having the perfect purse for your outfit. At my cousin's wedding last month (the one where I had to wear a hat), I had forgotten to switch handbag & I brought a bright red Chinese silk handbag that clashed with my light blue outfit! My Emmy Stylist would so disapprove!

Anyway, I bring all this up because of Michael and his so-called great ideas for gifts for me. I mean, I know it's the thought that counts, but geez...

him: i found what i'm getting you for christmas.
him: do you like purses?
him: cuz this is way hot
him: and I KNOW this is SO going to be a trend.
him: everyone is hand made
him: so each one is unique.

[joz stupidly clicks on the link, even though she should know better]

joz: ew
joz: ew
joz: ew
joz: ew
joz: ew
him: what do you mean ew?
him: they awesome
him: so original
joz: You can't get me a toad purse
him: and no one else will have one.
him: LOL
him: ROFLMAO
joz: I will have to get you some roo poo then
him: this site is amazing
him: [quoting from the website] Suffice to say that it's untouched by human gland. 250 ml presentation jars of genuine dried kangaroo poo nuggets direct from the outback.
joz: Ewwwwwwwwwwww
him: so funny
joz: stop it!
him: lol
him: you dont like my gift ideas?
him: you probably think i'm the BIGGEST freak ever.
him: LOL
joz: Actually, I think I like you more now
joz: Just don't be buying me unexpected gifts, please
him: lol. no prosthetic arms? [inside joke]
him: lol
joz: NO!
him: lol
him: and no toads
joz: If you ever buy me any gifts, they must be pre-approved
joz: NO TOADS
him: LOL
him: pre-approved, eh.
joz: Especially no toads in the form of a purse

I'm sure there is a long list of things that should go on my anti-wish list, but for starters, do not give me a toad purse, roo poo, a baby jesus butt plug, or prosthetic arms for the holidays. Or my birthday. Or ever.

[/concluding the public service announcement]

I must maintain my hipster image.

So I will say that on this wonderful Friday night in Los Angeles, I am shall be partying my ass off* until 2am**.

I will be drinking*** enough to make my bladder whimper.

Party on, dudes!!!

*partying my ass off = data entry
**will be at Office #2 until 2am
***Another 52 oz. Diet Coke

I miss The Professor.

No more Friday Gratitudes™ with professoreric's witty & funny comments (in the office, anyway). Sigh.

I just tried to IM him and this is professoreric's away message:
Ok, kids, got a screening right now. which means that i am watching a movie and i get paid to do so... ha ha ha ha.

Life in Kansas sounds pretty good to me right now...

Welcome the Rusty!

Yes, I'm still up.

Yes, I did drink the entire 52 oz.

Yes, I did have to go to the bathroom about 10932423409817 times overnight.

I wonder when it will hit me...

... that I had less than 3 hours of sleep last night?

It was a bitch to get up this morning, but why do I actually feel awake and rested right now?

Maybe it's a delayed reaction from the caffeine from the 52 oz. X-treme Big Gulp™ of Diet Coke I had last night...

Yay! 1:20 in the morning and I'm still at the office.

Hooray.

And I still have more work to do! It never ends!

Yippee!

[/misguided glee from exhaustion]

Lots of work to do!

Overwhelmed.

Almost 8pm... headed to Office #2 & will probably be working until past midnight.

And if I focus, I may actually make a dent in all this work.

(sigh)

Wherever you are Kristina, thank you!

My friend Kristina Wong (aka Kristina Sheryl Wong & BigBadChineseMama) just called me at work. She is stranded somewhere in West LA right now because her car broke down. She needed the phone number for the car repair place I had referred her to (oops, I guess they didn't do such a good job!).

Anyway, as we were wrapping up the call, she asked me if I had seen her pictures from Burning Man, to which I said "Not yet!" She told me she had fulfilled my request of having something jozjozjoz.com related burned at Burning Man, so of course, I had to go check it out right away!

So, courtesy of THE Kristina Wong, Hello from Burning Man 2003!

Kristina says:
"My friend Jocelyn who is a blogging whore made me write this and take a picture of it. This sign was part of a bigger art installation that was burned at the end of the week."

Since it was very cool of her to do this, I will pretend she did not just call me a "blogging whore" on her site. :P

Why isn't the media covering the massive Korean forestation problem?

If you are a compassionate human being, you should be concerned about this cause that might be worthy of your concern.

Read up. Be educated. Power to the peeps and all that good jazz.

My Emmy Stylist is a genius!

When it comes to things like clothes, hair, & make-up, I am a total fashion dunce.

I am always picking out clothes that are comfortable but not at all flattering... putting my hair in a simple headband or ponytail... unskillfully slapping on some eyeliner & lipstick and running out the door in my ugly, sloppy clothes. (Please don't nominate me for "What Not to Wear.")

When I found out I was going to the Emmys, I knew that I needed help in a big way.

My fashion angel came to me in the form of Genevieve Gallen, who out of the kindness of her heart, offered to help me pick an outfit & do my hair and make-up for this event. How cool is it that I had my own Emmy stylist?!?! Even though we missed out on the opportunity to go clothes shopping on Thursday night (because I was a dumbass and left my wallet at home), Genevieve updated a black velvet dress I already owned and made it seem like a brand new one.

On Saturday, in a race against time, we went shopping for the accessories that really pulled my outfit together. Because Genevieve is such a great customer, the lady gave me a 20% discount on the black pashmina I wore & Genevieve found the perfect handbag, bracelet, and brooch to go with some existing jewelry I had. It kind of felt like I was on one of those make-over shows, but without the annoying cameras.

The best part though, was getting my hair and make-up done. It turns out that Genevieve always does her own make-up in all her photo shoots. She's also done make-up for other models and she used her experience studying under "Make-up maven/mogul/maestro" Francois Nars to make even an ugly duckling like me feel like a swan. And I should also add that Genevieve worked really well under pressure. We were strapped for time & she did my hair and make up in record time!

Most of the time, when I see a picture of myself, I have to suppress the urge to jab my eyes out with sharp-pointy objects. I am very, very picky about photographs of myself... even more so when it comes to *showing other people* pictures of myself. So you have to know that when I put up the picture of myself holding the Emmy, I was really, really thrilled with the photo.

Here is a photo Genevieve took of me right before I walked out the door to leave for the Emmys. I except for the fact that I am not holding an Emmy, I actually like this photo of myself better than the other one because I am not all washed out by the flash & you can actually see how glamorous Genevieve made me look.

I got lots and lots of compliments at the Emmys (especially from people at work who see my normal frumpy self) and even had a guy roll down his window and whistle at me as I was on my way home!

Thank you again to my fashion angel & Emmy Stylist Genevieve, who made me look & feel so great!!!

Your chance to see Joz in a bathing suit

Courtesy of skits, because she rules!

This is probably the only time you'll see me as a pool girl... I wish that real-life Joz could have abs like the ones Joz Sim has!

Be sure to check out Bloggerville for more snapshots of what Joz Sim & the other bloggers have been up to!

Exciting Saturday (brief) rundown

As I am getting my Honorary Maid of Honor outfit ready for my friend's wedding (the same one who had the bachelorette party last weekend), I thought I'd pop in & make a quick list of some of the stuff that happened yesterday surrounding my night at the LA Area Emmys:

-BOUGHT A DIGITAL CAMERA! Finally! (Still need another memory card)
-Went shopping at Century City with Genevieve Gallen, my Emmy Stylist, for some accessories to go with my outfit she helped me put together. (Thank you sooooooo much for taking time out of your busy day to help me get ready!!! You have no idea how much it meant to me and how much I appreciated it! And I felt so good after I saw how great the pictures turned out!)
-Back home for Genevieve to "primp" me for the night (that's primp, not pimp!).
-Took a couple of quick pictures, rushed off to pick up my friend/co-worker who invited me.
-Drove like a crazed wombat to get to there before it started.
-At the Emmys... our show won another Emmy! Whoo hoo!
-Took pictures with my co-workers and friends. I got to take a picture with an Emmy even though I didn't earn it!

There was more that happened, but I don't have the energy to write it right now. I had much, much fun even though I wasn't out that late. However, I did not get to bed until 4am. The last two hours of the night were spent playing with my new digital camera and figuring how to transfer the photos to my computer.

Ok, I've already been yelled at by my mom this morning (my phone shut itself off last night & I didn't know she'd been calling me since 8am) so I sure as heck better not be late to the wedding. I am hoping that I don't have to wear a hat this time.

More later, but for now, here is Joz holding the Emmy!

PS- Thanks to everyone who invited me to parties and events for Saturday night... I am really sorry I couldn't make everything! Thanks to Shelli for letting me cancel on our evening together that we'd been planning for so long.

Thank you also to the person who dissinvited me in the first place to the party I wouldn't have been able to go to in the first place. After I got dissinvited, I got invited to the Emmys & some other parties, too. I am sure that getting invited to all these other exciting things was karma for the dissinvite. So to that person I say, diss away!

Welcome Sharky's Biloux to the random pix!

This is Sharky's dog, Biloux. Isn't she a sweetie?

Biloux is also slightly neurotic & can be a little crazy. Perhaps Sharky will enlighten us with some examples?

Anyhoo, Biloux joins The Dogs of jozjozjoz™, Joz & Her Waggling Tongue™, the Joz-Lovin' Jack Osbourne™, and of course, the gorgeous Genevieve Gallen in the random photos. (links to come soon)

Friday Gratitude™ update

So within 30 minutes of me posting the latest Terra story, one of our landlords called me at my office from Hawaii.

He NEVER calls me at work. And they've been gone a entire freakin' week & have only called me once (in the evening when we were at home).

No, he didn't read my blog (thank goodness!), but was just calling to see how things were going.

I simultaneously wanted to burst out laughing, tell him the story to embarass him, jump up and down doing the Ew-ew-ew! Dance™, and throw up the popcorn I had just eaten for lunch (shush about my popcorn meals. Today was the last of them, I mean it.).

But I just smiled sweetly and said everything and everyone was fine.

But Michael was convinced that they got wind of my blog. (And for the record, I said no such things about my pussy. Michael, you are a very bad, bad boy!)

Your Friday Gratitude™ should be: "Thank goodness Joz doesn't have her digital camera yet"

Since our landlords have been on vacation in Hawaii this week, we had the great fun of dog-sitting the Moca & Terra. You may recall that Terra is the orally-fixated black & white dog that has the habit of picking up bones, slippers, shoes, dog toys, and anything else that will fit in her mouth when she gets excited or nervous (which is pretty much always).

Last night, as I was on the walkway between our house and our landlords' house, I saw something funny-looking lying in my path. Since it was dark, I thought it was poopie & stepped over it. I went back out to push the garbage cans out to the street for trash collection day & made sure not to run it over with the can. When I came back from, I took a closer look & realized it wasn't a poopie after all... I almost wished that it had been poop.

Lying in the middle of the walkway was a butt plug. Yes, an ass-jamming, siliconey, slightly chewed up, dog-slobbery BUTT PLUG!

(All at once now...) EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

For the record, I do not & never-ever have owned/possessed/used a butt plug, so it wasn't mine! Don't even go there!!! The dogs had not been in our house at all but had been running around our landlords' house all day. I don't wish to think about/speculate upon the owner/user of the butt plug, but I am pretty certain that Terra, The Dog That Gets Into Everything And Anything You Don't Put Away™, is the butt plug stealer.

I called Yoshi, who is out of town, to ask what I should do. The answer was: "Take the pooper scooper and dump it in the trash."

I had already thought of that, but there were two problems with that idea:
1) It just sounds wrong on so many levels to have to pooper scoop someone's butt plug. (Blech! I'm feeling ill just thinking about it!)
2) I would have to carry the darn thing all the way down the driveway, in public, to the street, and dump it in our already overflowing trashcan. I would not want to be spotted by neighbors/people walking down the street dumping a butt plug with the dogs' pooper scooper. On so many OTHER levels, there is just too much wrong with that scenario. And what if some homeless dude decided to dig through the trash? Wrong!!! Just wrong!

I could deal with neither of those situations. I DID think about taking a photo of it as proof, but I didn't have a digital camera & really, I don't think I needed to share a photo of the rogue butt plug on my site. (Insert your gratitude here.) So I left it alone & hoped it would go away. Thankfully, when I left for work this morning, it was no longer in the walkway. I don't know if Terra took it back in the house (I kind of hope that didn't happen. I mean, DO YOU KNOW WHERE THAT THING HAS BEEN?!?!?!) or if the guy who is staying at the house & re-doing their bathroom "took care of it."

And now how am I supposed to talk to my landlords with a straight face, or without having the vision of that darned thing not pop into my head?! AAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCKKKKK!

Let this be a lesson to you.

For the love of all that is good in this world, please remember that important rule you learned in kindergarten:

Always put your toys away. Please.

UPDATE: I just remembered seeing this at djmofo's.

And thanks to Michael for his butt plug expertise and for providing me the link to the Baby Jesus Butt Plug. Bl*ass*phemous, I know!

Guess I'm fated to not spend anymore money

I was supposed to go shopping for something to wear to the LA Area Emmys (this Saturday night) with a friend after work today, but I did a typical-Joz thing... I left my wallet at home.

Instead, I ended up at Office #2, working until now (10:15pm). I came directly from Office #1 & since I didn't have money for food, I haven't eaten since my extraordinarily-healthy pizza & popcorn lunch at 1pm today.

So, I guess it's a good thing I didn't buy clothes today. If I keep up my wonderful nutrition habits, I wouldn't be able to fit into anything new anyway.

Besides, I just spent $350 on my subscription to the LA Opera, not to mention another $200 for my subscription to GMCLA, and the upcoming $150 I will spend for my subscription to Vox Femina Los Angeles. I also spent almost $200 for tickets to Cirque du Soliel's Varekai later this month. And I have not even blogged about the 80 hour Series2 TiVo I bought for Yoshi last week.

Oh, and that digital camera I so desperately want/need? Still shopping for it.

And I thought my credit card bills were high last month...

(sigh)

I guess I don't get NY humor...

Here is another chat between me and James, my Hot-Asian-Guy-Friend-Who-Hits-On-Me-Via-Drunk-IM™.

james: is it jus me..or is this story hilarious?
james: MOUNT HOPE, Ohio (AP) -- It's an annual prank in this tranquil Amish community, where men wear straw hats and women bonnets and plain dresses: Youngsters hide in cornfields and hurl tomatoes at passing cars.

A motorist who had been pelted several times on Labor Day got out of his car and fired three to five rounds into the 7-foot-high corn, killing 23-year-old Steven L. Keim
me: It's just you
james: hahaha
james: i can just see these amish people having fun with their tomatoes...and this crazy maniac killin them
james: well...maybe not so funny after all
me: It would have been funny if someone hadn't died
me: Maimed, maybe
me: But not died
james: yeah
james: maybe it's nyc humor..but everyone here thinks it's fuckin hilarious

UPDATE: Ok, so I guess this amish story is kind of funny, but not really since someone died. My-NY-Friend-Alan-Who-Sends-Me-Hot-Pictures-Of-Himself-When-He's-Drunk-And-Smoking-Cigars™ is online via IM trying to explain why it's funny...

me: Please explain!
alan: hang on... reading
alan: lol
alan: that is kinda funny
me: See? I don't think it's funny!
me: I don't get it!
alan: Ok
alan: how to explain
alan: hmm
alan: OK, when people get killed doing dumb shit
alan: that's funny
alan: maimed is funnier
me: It's all fun and games until someone jumps out and shoots you?
alan: yeah
alan: it's like this story I remember
alan: on a super cold day these kids had poured water on the street in NYC
alan: so that it would freeze and they would watch car wrecks
alan: well one car skidded out and hit one of the dumbass teenagers that was doing the prank and busted his legs
alan: That's funny!
alan: still don't get it?
me: Ok, THAT's funny!
alan: good, you're not totally hopeless

Yay! I'm not totally hopeless!!!

Guess who's in Amarillo, Texas?

I'll give you a hint, you hold him close to your heart, and his name rhymes with Peric... Got it yet? Yup, it's Eric (the professor). So Lela and I have made it all the way here to fucking Texas. This morning (Wednesday), we left Holbrook, Arizona (east of Flagstaff. By the border.) We saw the painted desert and the petrified forest (which didn't look that frightened...) and they were both beautiful. When I have DSL, and not dial up. I might consider sending some pics. There was a great moment today in the car where Lela and I made the same gay joke with out any prompt, at the same time it was funny. The punchline was "Honey, Chad and Jeremy are coming over."

We drove through (yes in Texas) a town called Bushland. Yuck. We stopped at the world’s least-friendly, most-filthy gas station, even though for about 100 miles it was advertised on billboards as being the opposite. We ate fairly vegetarian, at this buffet here in Amarillo, cause that’s where we ended up. There was meat in everything, even when we went to the vegetable table there was meat on it. It was one of those buffets where even though you know you are a good eater and that you can eat your moneys worth, the locals have their plates stacked in the dozens, piled high with the bones and drippings of a thousand head of livestock. Some of these people were very American (large!)… now we are lounging in our hotel room at the "Fifth Seasons" where our room number is 187 (police code for murder.) I used the metal part of a pen cap (left my Swiss army knife at home) to make sure all of the screws in the dead bolt were in as far as they could go. I won’t even tell you what we had to do to get online. It was like an ‘I Love Lucy’ skit.

And yesterday (Tuesday) we left L.A. even though it seems like a month ago. There were many adventures that we had yesterday. I will tell them in a random order as we try and remember: there was a crazy house that was for sale on the side of the highway, it looked like the Swiss family Robinson tree house, made out of UFOs and odd lawn ornaments. Oh, when we were in Arizona we saw the signs for Winslow, and knew we needed to get off and drive down a street there and get a picture of both of us "standing in a corner in Winslow, Arizona." We got the pictures but while taking the last one a little boy (12 years old?) yells out the window of his father pickup "wrong corner!" We thought that was hilarious. Ok, can't think of anything else right now, but when we get our pictures together I am sure I will remember more. Just wanted to let you all know we got somewhere safe, even if it turned out to be here in Amarillo. Oh well. We will be in Wichita by tomorrow. Woo hoo! Any questions?

-professoreric

Note: This was written by professoreric on the night of Wednesday, 9/3/03 & posted by jozjozjoz the next morning. Lela is Eric's friend who is driving out to Kansas with him. I feel like I've been replaced by a new carpool buddy. Sob! Take good care of The Professor, Lela!

No game.

A while back, when Sharky went on an exciting trip, we played a little game here at jozjozjoz.com... the Where In The World Is Sharky The Kid™ Game? You may also recognize this game as the WITWISK™ Game or maybe The Game That Joz Has Yet To Officially End And Send Prizes Out For Even Though Sharky The Kid Has Been Home For Months Now™.

I bring TGTJHYTOEASPOFETSTKHBHFMN™ up for two reasons:

1) I have the prizes. They are at home in a paper bag by my desk & have been there for months. I have to box them and send them out. I suck. I know this. Sorry!

2) ProfessorEric has left town and is headed toward another land. Rather than play another guessing game, I will just tell you that he is headed off the Kansas. Heaven help Dorothy & Toto. Oh, and I miss him to bits already.

Ever have one of those days...

...where all you want to do is break things?

Spray cheeze fight!

It may be Tracy's idea, but I'm getting the first shot out there.

Ok, so the spray cheeze isn't quite as scary as my can of Joz-Whup-Ass™, but it is probably worse for your arteries.

: : : Sigh : : :

Mean people suck. That is all.

Story about what happened after getting home from the bachelorette party

Coming soon.