jozjozjoz.com :: brain barf

Another Bachelorette party... this time with mostly naked guys

When my cousin had her bachelorette party last month & made it a spa day with dinner & dancing at the Sunset Room, I was so excited about going to the spa, I put a little countdown on my blog until the time for my massage.

On Saturday night, I attended the bachelorette party for my friend, who wanted to go to a male strip club. My idea of fun is NOT seeing sweaty, half-naked guys gyrate and grind themselves on my friends for dollar bills. However, seeing as I have the honor of being the Honorary Maid of Honor (don't ask) for the wedding, I had no choice but to go. Nonetheless, I did have a good time.

The evening started off with an early dinner at Maggiano's at The Grove/Farmer's Market. After a very yummy dinner, we headed to the strip club, where there were probably 6 different bachelorette parties going on. The Chippendales-esque show was held in WeHo at "The NEW Club 7969" (I haven't been there in years... the last time I was there, it was still Peanuts/Michelle's and I went on drag night where all the men were 100,000 times more beautiful than I!).

Here is a photo of the group of us at the male strip club. To protect the innocent, I've blocked out the faces of the bride-to-be and her friends. And in the case of the not-so-innocent (me), please keep to yourself how big my smile is in that photo. It was fun, ok? You should note that the "innocent" girls all have huge silly grins on their faces, too.

After the show, we headed to Miyagi's and did some dancing. The bride-to-be wanted to check out Beauty Bar, so we made an early exit. On the way to Hollywood, we stopped off at the Pleasure Chest so I could buy the bride & groom some fun stuff for the honeymoon. What a good Honorary Maid of Honor I am! (I should note that the bachelorette lucked out & didn't have to wear a veil, condoms, or penis paraphenalia because the stuff had accidentally been left at home.) I didn't buy my friend anything hardcore, but her little gift package included new lingerie, a set of edible bra and undies, a feather tickler, and some Motion Lotion. Oh and I bought her a Playgirl, so she wouldn't feel disappointed for not getting to see it "all" at the strip club.

We headed to Hollywood for Beauty Bar, but it was 1:30 and the line was out the door and around the corner & neither of us wanted to wait in line (I had to work on Sunday morning).

We called it a night and got to her home past 2am, beating the bachelor home by approx 15 minutes. By the time I got back to my home, it was almost 3:30 am. There is another story about what happened when I got home, but I will say that despite coming home with a feather tickler of my own from the Pleasure Chest, I did not stay up for anything fun.

JozWatch '03 - Mission Keanu Wrap-Up

I will say once again, that I am not one of those crazy-stalky fans of ANYONE, but Keanu happened to be on the lot where I work two days in a row & I thought it would be cool if I could get him to say hi to Krix.

I found out quite by surprise that Keanu was on the lot on the first day, when professoreric happened to see Keanu sitting outside my office (my office doesn't have a window, so I never know what's going on outside). After I missed Keanu by mere seconds, I found out from Krix that he was returning again to our lot the next day.

The second day I tried *once* to "run into" Keanu with my sign and digital camera, but it was not meant to be. As we were leaving for home, we passed the soundstage that Keanu's band becky was performing on the Orlando Jones Show. ProfessorEric and I stopped for a minute to take some snapshots for Keanuvision.

Click "sometimes we have to make our own fun" for the goods. Thanks to Krix for making me laugh.

Here is a picture of ProfessorEric...

The Genevieve Gallen ::jozjozjoz:: Summer 2003 Photo Series

NOTE: Comments at insignifica are closed.

Please visit the archives at http://www.jozjozjoz.com/archives/001022.php
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here is another photo of Genevieve Gallen from our night out together.

This was taken in the same restaurant in Beverly Hills where we took our picture (although this was not the restaurant we had dinner in). Again, I verify that I was the photographer for this shot & no photoshopping was done except for some cropping & the addition of the watermark.

Someone had mentioned that in the Genevieve's picture(s) and put my name/website all over it and link back to her site. Nonetheless, we talked about it and I'm going to shift the words down a little so this illusion is not noticeable.

Feel free to link back to this link at jozjozjoz.com, but remember:
No use, re-use, copying or reproduction is allowed without our specific agreement and permission, not even for amateur use on the internet. Please respect the legal usage of these images. If you use Genevieve Gallen's images we will prosecute you to the full extent of the law.

You should know about my can of Joz-Whup-Ass™ by now. Don't even go there.

For some Thursday amusement...

Check out keanuvision & JozWatch '03 - Mission Keanu.

Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain (aka Genevieve Gallen Meets The Wizard of Joz™)

Since posting Genevieve Gallen's picture at the newstand earlier this week, people have been IMing, emailing, or even (in a couple of cases) calling me and asking to see more pictures of her. That picture of her at the newstand is so adorable & really captures her good humor and sense of fun. And seeing how it turned out made me feel like a professional model photographer for about 17 seconds. Of course, it certainly helps to have a great model!

Yvonne asked if there is one of Genevieve and me together... I had said that it was coming up next... So here 'tis! Thanks again to Genevieve for being so much fun to hang with & for letting me post pictures of her on this site!!!

From Genevieve Gallen and jozjozjoz's night out together in Beverly Hills...

Feel free to link back to this link at jozjozjoz.com, but remember:
No use, re-use, copying or reproduction is allowed without our specific agreement and permission, not even for amateur use on the internet. Please respect the legal usage of these images. If you use Genevieve Gallen's images we will prosecute you to the full extent of the law.

And don't forget, my can of Joz-Whup-Ass™ is poised and ready. Don't make me use it.

P.S.- Genevieve was the creative genius who came up with the Wizard of Joz™ moniker for me. When she wrote about her clicking her hot pink stillettos together and her 'Toto," I laughed so hard! I love it!

For Krix

Click on the picture for the story...

For the record, I am not a "fan" of Keanu.... but, I *am* a fan of krixalicious (of keanuvision).

I am a believer in RESULTS, dammit.

UPDATE: I DO NOT HAVE A CRUSH ON KEANU! Stop asking! Stop making fun of me! This is FOR KRIX! Don't make fun of Krix, either!

Shark bite

Happy Hump day!

And a big thanks to all of the JozJozJoz fans who visit this site daily! We hope you are enjoying all of our madness!

Today I'd like to post yet another Shark scoop™ on one of our site's favorite TV shows Boy Meets Boy.

Last we checked in on the mates in their plush Palm Springs digs, only Brian H., Franklin, and Wes remained in the hunt for James affection (and all expense paid trip to New Zealand!), but as we saw last week, our friends at Bravo! had one last twist to turn on unsuspecting James and his lush of a friend Andra, oh, did I just say that? Come on now, do you ever see the woman without a drink in her hand?? Can we say AA? Anyhow - Dani the hostess with no personality what - so - ever filled our poor little doe eyed James in on the big secret - that one of the remaining mates was straight! Oh the horror! Did you all see the change in his expression? Priceless! To make things worse, he had to go and tell lushy slushy Andra that the big bad producers played a dirty little trick on them and snuck in a straight guy! Well as we all know, she freaked out and went ballistic! And of course it was "all about her" and that they (the producers) are making a big fool out of her by getting her to like these guys and "shoving them down your (James) throat". Sure Andra - it's all about you!

Moving on... quickly.... James goes on three 1on1 dates with the remaing mates and his objective is to figure out which one is straight and feeding him lies. James logic is ill thought out and warped so at the end of it all - he's still clueless to which one is putting the big act. Now we all sit and wait breathlessly until next week to find out who James selects as his remaining mate to fly off to beautiful New Zealand with....

SPOILER ALERT!!! Do not read on if you don't want to find out which mate James had the best "connection" with...

Yes, its Wes! Our favorite cupie-haired life-size doll.

But is he gay or is he straight or is he gay? Find out on the next episode of Shark Bites™

An open Reply to professoreric, Re: Re: our Extended Flirtation

(This was written as a response to professoreric's "open letter." If you haven't read his letter yet, please read his first before reading mine. Thanks.)

My darling professoreric,

The passion of our love grows stronger in each passing moment we are apart. We overcame Boss man's plan to separate us; our twice-weekly early morning (and don't forget) evening trysts prove that our adoration and tenderness for each other have prevailed.

Your consideration of my health and well-being make my heart flutter and my left earlobe twitch. I cannot deny that your thoughtfulness and attentiveness are two of the many reasons I love you so.

But you are right… for the sake of everything we’ve built together, we must put our affair on hiatus. In your absence, I promise to turn to Yoshi for comfort and love & am grateful for your call to action that the rest of my friends fill this gaping hole in my heart with their support.

I look forward to our more erotic IMs, eating our personal pan pizzas, and designing (telepathically) the orange campaign materials of the Genevieve Gallen for Governor of California movement.

Oh my precious grapefruit seed, I eagerly await your recovery so that we may walk the halls of our offices hand-in-hand again.

Your tiny salted preserved plum,

:: jozjozjoz ::

PS- I shall treasure your Sharpie & Post-it artistic renderings for all eternity.

An open Letter to Joz, Re: our Extended Flirtation

This is an open letter to Joz concerning our “extended flirtation”,

Joz, darling,

I don’t know what to do about our love. Boss man has already done his best to thwart it by separating us into two different offices, but that couldn’t stop our early morning rendezvous (at least twice a week.). Despite adversity, our love has done nothing but flourish, like the blue flowering chicory of our hearts poking through the tough asphalt of a public that wants nothing more but the demise of our passion. Oh Joz, and as if things couldn’t get any worse for us, suddenly I seem to be coming down with something, not a case of cold feet, broken heart, butterflies in the stomach, or any other ailment possibly found in Milton Bradley’s classic game “Operation”. No, this is some sort of cold, that because I am so sensitive to your health and needs, makes it so that I must put a stop to our Xerox breaks, kissing in front of the copier while the light from the scanner rolls back and forth, back and forth across our star crossed twinkling eyes. I must make an end to our water cooler wet T-shirt contests, and our “Lady and the Tramp” style spaghetti dinners. Am I being clear? Until I am in better health there is not recourse but to put our affair on hiatus. I also apologize to Yoshi who now must spend more time with you and give you the attention that I will not be able to provide at this time, for your well being of course. I hope that all of our friends who come across this open letter, can be there for you in these dire time of need. And to keep your spirits up, here is a list of activities that are still appropriate in our new situation: erotic IM’s, watching each other eat personal pan pizzas (romantically of course), telepathy, appreciation for the color orange, and of course pushing for the write in nomination (only if the recall goes through) for Genevieve Gallen for governor of California.

Oh my sweet moonpie, I hope you find a way to cope ‘til I am back to 100% good health.

Until then, my tiny salted preserved plum,

The (your) professoreric

Instead of couplet...

this day is so slow
and all of a sudden I feel kinda dizzy for no reason
is this your life?

My friend, same one from “apples and oranges”, wrote me this while once again chatting online. I thought it was seemingly deep. It makes me feel like I should be thinking. So this piece of found poetry will take the place of my Rhyming Couplet of the day. Call it a modified modern haiku.

One of the highlights of my weekend...

...was meeting and spending time with this wonderful, sweet, funny, smart, pretty lady & her adorable dog.

Here is a peek of what Genevieve Gallen and ::jozjozjoz:: were up to...

Feel free to link back to this link at jozjozjoz.com, but remember:
No use, re-use, copying or reproduction is allowed without our specific agreement and permission, not even for amateur use on the internet. Please respect the legal usage of these images. If you use Genevieve Gallen's images we will prosecute you to the full extent of the law.

I am not joking about this. Don't make me open up a can of Joz-Whup-Ass™.

UPDATE: As a response to Joelle's excellent questions... she's not the only one who asked them, but thanks for asking them publicly so I can reply publicly.

Joelle asked: "Is this an image that you added the signage to yourself or is this actually a sign that she's holding with your name on it?"

Joz says: This is an image taken by me this past weekend with Genevieve actually holding the sign. The only photoshopping done to this is the addition of the watermark and some cropping.

Joelle also asked: "aren't you being a wee teeny bit paranoid with the whole watermark and "fullest extent of the law" thing? ;) or that by her request?"

Joz says: Fair question! Part of the deal of me posting her pictures on my site is that they are watermarked to make it a headache for anyone trying to steal it and photoshop it. And the "fullest extent of the law" thing is wordage taken almost word for word from her website. And one of the reasons that this is reiterated is to discourage people from taking this photo and "adding signage," changing the words on the sign, etc. Oh, and I also wanted an excuse to threaten people with my can of Joz-Whup-Ass™.

NOTE: Comments at insignifica are closed.

Please visit the archives at http://www.jozjozjoz.com/archives/001013.php

Rhyming Couplet: #3

And here continues the saga of the rhyming couplets:

there would have been one more on friday, but the net was on the fritz (who's fritz?). Here is a new one.

Roses are red, and my ivy is dead
With all of that said, I am lost in my head

This couplet came to me for my own personal reasons this morning. What does it mean kids? Hmmm… is ivy a plant of a person, or a frog? And are roses even really red?

Have a Rice Monday!

It remains to be seen if Yoshi is actually in the mood to wish everyone a rice day, but this is what I saw at Don's this morning while making my blog rounds and I had to share...

I think it's the coolest that he saw that when he was in Phoenix & thought of snapping this... I LOVE IT! THANKS DON!!!

(Stop right there. No jokes about how good Yoshi tastes, please. Don't even go there. No. Don't.)

to hell with 'modern conveniences'

do you think anyone will read this over at verizon?

---letter begins here---

I cannot even begin to express how disappointed I am with the ongoing issues I'm having with your billing department.

I became an Airtouch customer in 1998, and have had continuing service ever since. I did not complain when Airtouch was swallowed up by Verizon, nor did I say a word when my customer service hours were cut, my nights and weekend hours were reduced, and my paper statements were halted in lieu of online ones. I felt that these things were small in comparison to the benefits of having cellular service.

My view has somewhat changed in recent months, however, with the onset of monthly calls to and from your financial "services" department, informing me of payments that were overdue or credit cards being declined. I should note that I have participated in your auto bill pay service since June of 2001. In November 2001, I received my first letter stating that my credit card was declined for payment. I called and made a payment over the phone and thought nothing more of it.

I continued to have my payments debited from my account successfully until this past May, when I received another letter stating that my credit card had been declined. When I called to confirm that the correct card was being billed, I was informed that they could not verify the card number, only enter a new card number and pay the balance using the new credit card. What an absurd notion, the financial services department unable to verify the number of my credit card?

But I was then informed that it was not in fact my card that had been declined, it was a problem with the whole auto pay system, and that everyone who was signed up for auto pay had been somehow booted out of the system that month. I accepted this reasoning and then made my payment.

When VZServe was brought online, I signed up, thinking that this would make my life easier, being able to see my usage online and keep track of my minutes. I signed up and received a letter confirming that I’d reset my PIN. On July 14, I received a phone call from customer service stating that I’d not made a payment since May, which I thought strange since I had my confirmation number for the payment. I was now almost 2 months overdue and there was a chance that my service would be halted. The woman I spoke with said that she was unable to verify that I was indeed set up for auto payments, and that I should go online and verify that all of my information was correct. In a panic, since in my work it is imperative that my clients and my co-workers are able to contact me on my cell phone, I immediately checked my account online and saw that I was signed up for auto payments.

I called customer service again, and was told that I needed to contact financial services and was transferred to them. I was promptly disconnected and had to call customer service again, this time getting the phone number for financial services before I was transferred and then disconnected. By the time I was able to get through to financial services, more than 45 minutes had elapsed and I was now ½ an hour late for work. I spoke to a woman in customer service who insisted that I was not on your auto payment plan, and that I should sign up for it if I wanted to have the bills be automatically debited from my account. Or, if I wanted to insure that my payments were debited from my account, then I should fill out a request form and send it back. Not fully understanding her reasoning, I nevertheless agreed to send in a form and made my payment over the phone.

When I was going over my bank statement two weeks later, I found that my account had been debited the amount that was due on the 14th, $109.30, and again debited on the 17th, through the autopay service. Incensed, I phoned customer service and was transferred to financial services, disconnected and had to call back. I then spoke to an infuriating woman who was nice enough to put through the request for a refund, yet said the only way to prevent this from happening again would be to remove myself from the autopay system entirely, or not to make payments over the phone, because apparently there are two separate billing systems in place, and one cannot distinguish if a payment has been made on the other. In short, I was damned if I did, damned if I didn’t.

I then spoke to this woman’s supervisor, and after being on hold for 25 minutes, he explained that the system had once again failed and that for the month of June everyone on auto pay had been booted out of the system. He assured me that this was a rare occurrence and that I should not worry about my payments being made. Still somewhat disgruntled and more than an hour late for work, I accepted this story and hung up the phone.

Today, I received another letter stating that my account was past due. I tried to view my statement online only to find that I am unable to log into my account. So even if I wanted to make a payment, I am stuck until your system comes back online or customer service hours are in effect, whichever comes first. What will happen, I assure you, is that when I do have to call customer service, and have to be transferred to financial services, and get disconnected, and have to call back, I will be mean and nasty to whomever is unfortunate enough to be on the other side of the line, and I will make sure that his or her supervisor is brought in on the conversation, and I will not get off the phone until this situation is resolved, once and for all, else I choose to go with another carrier, who will charge me less money for more services and who will, in my estimation, be glad for my foolhardy loyalty to a substandard level of customer service, website functionality, and unwillingness to change my phone number, because they will seem like bloody saints in comparison to my opinion of verizon at this moment.

Up All Night... No Rhonda Shear, either.

No, it's just me... still working even though it's almost 4:30am.

The good news is that I'm making progress.

The bad news is that I'm still not done yet.

And I have dragon breath. Ew.

UPDATE @ 6:28am IN THE FORM OF A RHYMING COUPLET FOR THE PROFESSOR:

The sun is up and so am I.
I am so tired I could cry.

Instant karma's gonna getcha!

It was killing me (and professoreric) today at work because jozjozjoz.com was down all day. Ick!

We both had stuff we were dying to blog about & couldn't. Instead, I text messaged Yoshi, wrote an email to Shelli and then to Genevieve, and bugged everyone on my IM list at work with my incredible news.

That whole dissinvite drama this week really sucked... for anyone who missed it, what happened was that I was banned from going to a party... BANNED!

But, if you believe in karma, the funny thing is that I got an invitation this morning to go to the LA Area Emmys!!! Ok, so this is not the Primetime Emmys (the one with all the celebs) and it's not Playboy Mansion... but I never imagined I would EVER go to ANY Emmys & it's kind of cool to be able to say "I'm going to the Emmys!" ...AND I've been SPECIFICALLY INVITED! (Ha! Had to throw that in there!)

The most amusing part of this turn of events is that the Emmys are happening the EXACT SAME NIGHT/WEEKEND of the party I was banned from. So when people ask why I'm not there, the "middle man" can honestly say "Jocelyn is at the Emmys tonight" instead of "she was banned from coming."

The thing that sucks is that I had been planning for a while to get to spend some time with Shelli that weekend, but we'll have to do a raincheck instead.

I'm the saddest kind of workaholic there is...

I overwork myself because I'm afraid that if I'm not busy working, then people will find out how utterly boring, lame, and uninteresting I am.

UPDATE & CLARIFICATION: (Thanks to Sonia for her comment, though! Glad you're back!)

Whether or not I'm actually boring, lame, or uninteresting is not the point! (While I may joke around and make self-depricating jokes about my life, I do consciously know that I'm not really (that) boring, lame, or uninteresting.)

I made the epiphany that my a large part of my workaholism is rooted in insecurities I have about how others perceive how "great" my life is... making it clear to me for the first time that I don't work this hard for the money (trust me, it's not big money), nor the "glory" (trust me, there is none). To my defense, I think this insecurity is combined with a really, really good work ethic, in addition to a desire to achieve/succeed... so *voila!* Workaholic Joz™ is born!

Ryhming Couplet: 2nd installment

As promised, here is today’s rhyming couplet. Do as you will kids.

Tempted with tempeh she tinkers with me
To trudge to her house and then F.T.P.

Procrastinating sucks

UPDATED 8/21 @ 4pm:
Because I procrastinated on a bunch of work, I can't go to the Sparks game on Thursday night tonight. Instead, I have to stay home with a pile of work that I should have been done with weeks ago.

Dammit. Sharky scored a suite tickets 7 rows off the floor and everything. (Have I mentioned that Sharky is the coolest?!)

Yoshi and tcubed will get to hang with Sharky without me.

Bah.

(At least I was invited and can't go because I had to decline (& not because I was specifically banned from going). Yes, I'm done with the drama, but it doesn't mean that it didn't still hurt at some level.)

I'm cracking up.

A few minutes ago, I got a call on my direct line at work.

I immediately recognized one of Yoshi's co-workers on the line. Except for meeting her at a couple of company functions, I haven't really talked to her and yet there she was... calling me on my direct line.

me: Hello?
her: Hey. It's me.
me: Uh... ok... What's going on?
her: Hey. I just had to tell you something. Yoshi went outside with another girl. So I took the phone and had to call you. 'Cuz, you know, I like you and stuff... and thought you should know.
me: (laughing) Are you tattling?
her: Yeah girl, I got your back.
me: (laughing even more as I hang up) Oh ok...

What a wannabe shit-starter she is! :P

Then I immediately had to go into professoreric's office and tell him what a hysterical call that was.

And with that, I'm smiling again. :)

The Hunt for Clarence

ORIGINALLY POSTED 8/20/03 @ 12 midnight:
Sharky found Clarence!

Yay Sharky!

UPDATE 8/21/03 @ 10:16am:
Sharky was informed that the place she found Clarence was sold out. So the Hunt for Clarence is still on...

A Phish On The Hook

I try not to pass judgement on things I'm far removed from. Having talked to Genevieve Gallen on more than occasion, I am starting to appreciate & see a different point of view... how difficult it is to live in a media fishbowl & how the press takes something minor and blows it to gigantic proportions.

Nonetheless, I skimmed this story but got a kick (no pun intended) out of the closing paragraph, excerpted here for you to see:

Regardless of whether Gordon has to face a judge next month, law-enforcement sources say unofficial justice was already delivered. The Hell's Angels, who detained Gordon for police, were not, the sources say, gentle with sensitive areas of the rock star's body.

Seen on nbc4.tv:
Exclusive: A Phish On The Hook
Band's Bassist Gordon Accused Of Child Endangerment

POSTED: 10:22 p.m. EDT August 18, 2003
UPDATED: 9:30 p.m. EDT August 19, 2003

NEW YORK -- A Phish is on the hook for endangering the welfare of a minor after he allegedly tried to take pictures of a young girl inside a deserted boathouse.

But following private conversations between the band's manager and the child's parents, there's a question about whether the band's bassist, Mike Gordon, will avoid facing that charge.

Gordon, 38, was arrested after being found late at night in a secluded area with a 9-year-old girl. The girl's parents raised an alarm when she disappeared from a backstage area at Jones Beach Theater.

New York State Park Police say Gordon showed a different side after a concert last week by The Dead. Investigators say Gordon -- who calls himself "Cactus" -- was an invited guest backstage at Jones Beach. He was not invited, they say, to take a 9-year-old girl to an isolated location behind the theater.

"The area is actually like a work area for state employees who operate boats out of that area," said Maj. Richard O'Donnell, of the New York State Park Police. "It's a darkened area, not intended for public access."

O'Donnell, who is the region's commanding officer, would not discuss what the bass player told officers when he was found with the child on a dock. But a police report obtained by NewsChannel 4 reveals "The defendant stated he wanted to take 'art photos' of the victim."

Police confirm that Gordon has never been convicted of any crime. Law enforcement sources said that after the band member was arrested, he told officers, "I may have shown bad judgment, but I am not a pedophile."

The Law enforcement sources identify the girl's father as a leader of the Hell's Angels Motorcycle Club, whom they say had also been invited backstage to watch The Dead concert. Gordon was held for police by theater security "and the victim's father's associates -- which the police report decribes as other Hell's Angels members.

When responding to a request for an interview, Phish's manager e-mailed a joint statement from Gordon and the child's parents that reads: "It is now clear to all involved that this was an unfortunate misunderstanding, and we look forward to putting this matter behind us."

Later, in a conference call, the manager said Gordon's trying to "make amends" with the family. The girl's father added that "muckraking journalists should put the story to rest."

Both declined to discuss whether the musician is paying compensation.

When asked by NewsChannel 4 if there was any reasonable explanation for Gordon to have been with the girl at 1:00 AM in a secluded boat house, Maj. O'Donnell of the State Park Police said "I have no explanation for it."

The commander says he "absolutely" stands by the police investigation and has referred the bass player's boathouse rendezvous case to the Nassau County district attorney for prosecution.

The DA's office says the evidence is being evaluated. Regardless of whether Gordon has to face a judge next month, law-enforcement sources say unofficial justice was already delivered. The Hell's Angels, who detained Gordon for police, were not, the sources say, gentle with sensitive areas of the rock star's body.

Copyright 2003 by WNBC.com. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

Rhyming Couplet

Hey Joz and pals... As a writer/ poet, (part time that is), i am discouraged that i haven't had any time to send stuff out to get published as of late. I have decided to start publishing a rhyming couplet, as an exercise, whenever i remember, on the blog, for y'all to decipher. this is just for fun. let's see where it goes. here's how it will work. in the morning i will write down the first rhyming couplet that pops in my head. then you guys urp me if you can find a way to justify it. a sentence or paragraph, whatever. it's just a writing exercise with out purpose. here's what popped into my head this morning:

the furniture is first to hear
the autumn is stained with beer

Like I said, I hate drama

I'm good now. No more drama.

It is what it is, and I've said my piece. I know where everyone stands and I'm grateful to know. I don't hate (or even dislike, for that matter) anyone involved. As far as I can tell, I never *did* anything to upset the person that dissinvited me, so I can feel good knowing that I never did anything intentionally nor unintentionally for that person to dislike me. The dissinviter has had ample opportunity to "get to know me" and evidently finds no value in me & dislikes me for me. I'm ok with that and can respect that. I still like this person, but I don't have to be liked back by everyone I like.

I told you I don't hold a grudge. :)

(Last) Friday morning.

I arrived at work early, and there was a neatly clipped picture of Genevieve Gallen and soon-to-be-hubby sitting on my desk. No note. No explanation.

Did I mention that no one at work knows I even read this blog?

I hate drama

Thanks for everyone's comments and input. I really appreciate being able to vent about it, so thanks for indulging me. I usually succeed in living a drama-free life, but every so often, I slip. You can see by reading my archives that I very, very rarely vent about personal stuff, so thanks.

I'm 99.9% over being dissinvited and about 80% over not being told the truth. I'm also about 50% over being mad at myself for allowing myself to get too emotional over any of this. But I don't hold grudges so I'm sure I'll be 100% over all of this soon. And to the said "middle man" who is "kind of" mad at me for blogging about this, I'm not mad at you for not telling me... I understand that you were put in an awkward position. I am simply disappointed (and I'd be lying if I didn't mention a bit hurt) that you felt like you couldn't tell me the truth. And I'd understand if you are still mad at me for blogging this, but I hope you know I made sure not to name names or to reveal any details. I hope you still know that you can tell me anything in the world and know that I'll always stand by you.

Now, let's take the focus away from my dumb drama and welcome tcubed. I love tcubed very much... she is funny, kind, and I am grateful that she is such a good friend and that she wants to contribute to our blog. Her first post is simply great! Please welcome her!

Apples and Oranges

Because joz is out sick, I am left to my own devices for comradery (msp?) and entertainment. This is what I have been up to. And in my defense I think I am right on this one. What do you think? (“hurl more” to hear my intelligent i.m. conversation with a friend.)

friend: why won't best buy's website let me order this freaking dvd!!!!! I'm annoyed.
everything is there and then I go to continue to the part where you enter the credit card info and it just gives me a blank screen
professoreric: hmmm, which dvd?
friend: Chicago. DVD and Soundtrack for $20. so I'm trying to buy both.
professoreric: rumor has it that the movie is better then the city.
friend: huh?
professoreric: chicago
friend: you: “rumor has it that the movie is better then the city.” ????
professoreric: right
friend: that makes no sense!!
professoreric: why, chicago the movie is better then chicago the city
friend: OHHHH. I got you…I thought you meant like the play or something, ‘cause you can't really compare a city to a movie. that's ridiculous!!
professoreric: no its not
professoreric: china is a better country then the dish.
professoreric: boston is as good a creme as it is a city
professoreric: and new york is a more exciting city then it is a pizza
professoreric: got it?
friend: you're an idiot
professoreric: what!
professoreric: but you agree with all of those statements right
professoreric: i mean i would prefer a nice warm afghan currently, to a trip there
friend: but you can't compare them!!!!
professoreric: why?
friend: You can't!!
professoreric: why?
professoreric: apples and oranges are both fruit
professoreric: right?
friend: right
professoreric: then we are back in agreement
friend: but you still can’t compare them
professoreric: i think you can
friend: whatever
professoreric: typical way to loose an argument, saying "whatever" and then ending the conversation...
professoreric: shouldn't you be doing work?
friend: I should be but instead I am on hold with best buy cause the website still keeps f*@$ing up when I am trying to order
professoreric: sorry...
professoreric: dvd's are better then bvd's
friend: that's true… and dvd's are now cheaper than vhs… which I think is great
professoreric: amen.

Disclaimer: This entry is not meant to offend anyone whose preferences are different then those expressed her. You might prefer china as a dish then as a country. That is fine. Some of might best friends are into ceramics. We are all entitled to our own preferences. (actually there are a few people I can think of that I would like to evoke that privilege from…)

Call the patent office, I'm registering my DISSINVITATION™ idea first thing in the morning.

Here's the nutshell:
I found out in a very roundabout manner that there will be a party that EVERYONE is invited to but I was SPECIFICALLY not invited to. No details are necessary (and I wouldn't have been able to go to said party even if I HAD been invited since I have other obligations for that same time), but I really, really, really hated finding out the way I did.

I have asked the person who was told that I wasn't to be invited & it was confirmed. It was specifically requested that I not be there. I don't care about not being invited (or even that I'm so hated/despised/unwanted that a specific request was made that I not be there)... I just wished I had been informed directly, instead of finding out in the manner that I did. I wish that I did not have to confront this person stuck in the middle to get the truth... and that people can respect that I can deal with the truth better than I can deal with not knowing/guessing the situation/being told half-truths. And I appreciate that someone was only trying to "spare my feelings," but I *was* going to find out eventually & my feelings would have been hurt a trillion-fold FURTHER if I had found out after-the-fact that I hadn't been told the whole truth in the first place. But now that it's out in the open, I can deal with it & be over it. And I am, mostly.

Which brings me to my fucking brilliant idea (just indulge me, please)...

Seen on IM:
me: At this moment, I'm fantasizing about having an ever sending UNINVITATIONS DISSINVITATIONS™ to people.
me: I'm indulging in evil fantasies
me: Please excuse this momentarily lapse of sanity :-)
OutOutBlogger: np
OutOutBlogger: vent on
me: "We are announcing our (event) on (date). Please do us the honor of finding somewhere else to be. Because you're a piece of shit" [could also be customized: Because we hate your guts. Because you're a smelly cunt. Because you're a fat pig. The possibilities are endless!]
OutOutBlogger: in nice calligraphy
me: Exactly! With an RSVP card
me: That they need to return to tell us where they will be INSTEAD of at our event
me: ha!
OutOutBlogger: :-)
me: THINKING evil thoughts is only slightly better than ACTING ON on evil thoughts, isn't it?
OutOutBlogger: i think it's much better
OutOutBlogger: healthy, as a matter of fact
me: I think my idea is brilliant
me: But I wouldn't actually do it, of course
me: But wouldn't that be much better? If you were going NOT invite someone, to just TELL THEM they weren't invited?
OutOutBlogger: that's an interesting idea
me: I'd prefer that
me: the stay-the-fuck-away-o-gram™
OutOutBlogger: that's very catchy
me: I'd probably get lots of them though. Doh.

I'd still prefer to get a stay-the-fuck-away-o-gram™ instead of finding out the way I did. You?

UPDATE: Response to dj mo fo

dj mo fo left the following comment: i just re-read this and maybe i'm reading it wrong but it seems that you were not univited. you were just not invited.

uninvited is extremely rude, hurtful, and crass. it means that you were originally invited and then they said "on second thought, don't come"

For the record, yes, you are right I was never invited. I was not "un"invited.

I was (what I call) "dissinvited". I was dissed so badly that not only was I not invited in the first place, someone went out of their way to SPECIFICALLY make it clear that I was not to be invited. I guess you could also say I was "banned" from the party. But I think dissinvited sounds a little nicer, but that's just me.

So that's how I use the terms above... unless someone has another way of describing what happened.

First post from tcubed...

I missed my very first chance to blog last week. jozjozjoz was down...drat. I was at work when the list of 135 (yes, 135) qualified candidates for California governor was released. Of course they only mean qualified in the sense of filling out an application and handing over some money. I personally don't know where the qualified candidates are.

Anyway, I get to the list and being the civic-minded chick that I am, print it out for the people in my work area. I figure we can educate ourselves when we are bored. OK, I figured it would be good for a laugh, especially since that day seemed like the longest ever created. My co-worker Emily had the list for no more than 6o seconds when she dares me to call Arnold's phone number. She'll give me 5 bucks. I don't take the bait but convince my assistant to do it -- as long as it's on speakerphone. So ensued the following conversation:

Ring, Ring...

Perky Guy (PG): Arnold for Governor

(thank god they don't make the poor staffers answer with the guys last name)

Rhonda: Hi, is Arnold there?

PG: Can I tell him who's calling?

R: Oh, this is Rhonda

(I notice then that an odd, faux-Austrian accent has crept into her voice. Not enough to be tagged as a crank caller, but still)

PG: Did you want the campaign office or Arnold directly?

R: Oh, Arnold directly of course

(even with her faux accent Rhonda manages to make it sound like her & the Terminator are old friends, which somehow is hilarious at 4pm on the longest day ever made. we meanwhile are shocked to be offered access to private Arnold)

PG: Please hold...

(during which time Miss Rhonda panics & tries to hang up the phone. none of us has acted 13 in so long it's pretty hard to pull off. i end up holding her wrists so she can't disconnect)

PG: I'm sorry Rhonda, he's not available, but I can take a message...

R: Well, doesn't he have voice mail??

PG: No but I can take a message

R: (breezily) Oh, I'll just call later.

How could they NOT know this was a prank call?? I mean, how many serious calls to the public "Arnold for Guvner" office do they get?

We followed that up with a chaser to Gary Coleman's number, but his answering machine doesn't accept calls from blocked numbers. Damn.

ANOTHER new addition to the jozjozjoz.com network!

Our place is small.

Tiny. Not enough seating for more than 2, but thankfully wonderful people still converge upon our small house on Tuesday nights to watch "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" and "Boy Meets Boy." I'm grateful for this, because I really enjoy having friends over even though they have to sit on the floor or be all MacGyver in creating seating for themselves.

Last Tuesday night, there were 5 of us here... me, yoshi, sharky the kid, professoreric, and tcubed. At the time, tcubed was the only non-jozjozjoz.com-blogger.

We have now rectified the situation and tcubed is the newest addition to the jozjozjoz.com network!

PLEASE WELCOME TCUBED! Her first post is above!

Bah.

Mondays suck.

Return to L.A.

So we're back from our weekend in San Francisco.

I heard that there was a bit of blog/server drama and that Sharky & professoreric weren't able to get online to blog in my absence. I "re-dated" my posts from Friday so that there's something in the archives for everyday. :)

Sorry. Thanks to Mike, who seems to have fixed everything (again).

More about our crazy weekend later...

Don't cheat on Amanda Moore. Don't try to steal her gf, either!

Originally posted 8/15/03:

I don't know how true this story is, but I just love it. The mental image of this chick punching this dude out makes me want to do the jozjozjoz dance.

Seen on PageSix via OutOutBlogger... of course, here's a picture of said lesbian model...

LESBIAN BEAUTY STRIKES BACK

SEXY lesbian Vogue covergirl Amanda Moore punched out a man who's been making time with her girlfriend the other night.
Moore and gorgeous galpal Kate Young, an ex-Vogue staffer, were featured in New York magazine's Aug. 11 "Sexiest New Yorkers" cover story. She's not shy about her sexuality. She and Young recently posed for ID magazine while making out.

According to one of their pals, Moore - star of ads for DKNY, Costume National, Plein Sud and others - recently discovered that Young wasn't being faithful. What's worse, mutual friends told Moore that Young was being led astray not by another woman, but by a man - a popular player on the indie rock scene who's also an A&R man for a hipster record label.

Moore found out that her romantic rival is a regular at Union Square hangout Bar 13's Sunday night "Shout" party. So last weekend she went there looking for him. According to an eyewitness, Moore walked right up to the guy and punched him in the face, sending him to the floor.

When she demanded he apologize for messing with her lady love, he refused and complained about being socked in the kisser. "You deserved it," Moore hissed. "Now we're even."

Our snitch tattles, "She totally embarrassed him in front of all his friends."

Moore's sucker-punch apparently had the desired effect. The interloper has backed off and friends are eyeing Moore with newfound respect.

Moore's agent, Ivan Bart, said he was unaware of the incident, adding, "We don't comment on our models' personal lives."

I'm a slacker

What a bad blogsitter I am. I'm SUPPOSED to be guest blogging at Mikey2's.

If I had been taking care of Mikey2's fishies, they'd all be doing the backstroke toward the pearly gates of fishie heaven.

Bad Joz! Bad! Bad!

Friday Gratitudes

Hooray for:

-Jerk Chicken Friday (aka "007 Commerative Lunch")
-Trip to SF this weekend
-Mike for letting me freeload server space & for fixing my blog when it gets jacked up.

testing

This is a test entry.

Gah!

I don't know what's wrong with my blog.

Please forgive the mess as our team of highly skilled technicians (whoever I get beg to fix it) works on the site.

Thank you.

More on former Sparks player Latasha Byears

I'm so grossed out by this story. I have cheered for our Sparks. Yoshi and I were at the last championship-winning game at the Staples Center. I'm disgusted that this is probably a true story. And no, I don't know where the photos of this incident exist. And I'm not going to look for them. That's sick and wrong.

I'm just grateful I don't own a jersey with "Byears" on it. (Not that I'm a jersey-wearing kind of gal, for that matter.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ex-Sparks player investigated in alleged sexual assault
Posted: Thursday August 14, 2003 1:25 AM

LOS ANGELES (AP) -- Former WNBA player Latasha Byears, who helped the Los Angeles Sparks to two league championships, is under investigation for allegedly sexually assaulting a former teammate, a television station reported.

Byears and three men who have no connection to the Sparks allegedly raped the victim at a party following a June 5 game against the Sacramento Monarchs at Staples Center, KCOP-TV reported Tuesday night.

No one has been arrested, but the Los Angeles County district attorney's office said Wednesday there is an investigation involving several male and female basketball players. Sheriff's Deputy David Cervantes would only say a report was taken in the case.

The Sparks waived Byears on June 10, five days after the alleged incident. She did not play in a June 7 game against the Monarchs in Sacramento because she was dealing with a personal matter, team officials said at the time.

Sparks spokeswoman Kristal Shipp said Wednesday the team has been contacted by authorities and is cooperating.

"We are aware of the serious nature of the police investigation and we are cooperating in every way," she said in a statement. "We don't know the facts, so until the investigation and the judicial process, if there is one, are completed, it would not be appropriate for us to make any comment."

Byears, 30, was traded by Sacramento to the Sparks in 2000. She spent four years with the Monarchs but had troubles on and off the court.

She pleaded no contest to reckless driving in 2002 and was suspended for one game. Later that year she was suspended for two games after throwing a ball at Michelle Marciniak's face during a game against the Seattle Storm.

Byears, who is no longer playing in the WNBA, ranks eighth all-time in field goal percentage (.514) and is among the top 10 rebounders in league history. She averaged 5.6 points and 4.2 rebounds this season.

Known as "Tot," a nickname given by her grandmother, Byears played at DePaul and was a second-team All-America as a junior in 1994-95 and was a first-team selection as a senior.

In an article published in the July issue of GQ magazine, Byears referred to herself as the toughest player in the WNBA and said she wanted to open a restaurant or a nightclub when her playing days ended.

"I been in this league six years now. I came in through the back door," she told the magazine. "But I'm leaving through the front, side and middle. Man, roll the red velvet out for me, 'cause I'm the boss."

The Professor scores free food for the office!

Check out the memo I just got in the inbox! Free Jamaican Jerk Chicken due to professoreric's hard work! Is it ironic that the Professor will not be able to enjoy the meal because he's a vegetarian?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From: Eric
Subj: Don't bring your lunch tomorrow!

The ever so diligent P.A.,
-Eric

UPDATE: Our boss man can be really brilliant sometimes. Check out his reply to professoreric's memo:

E.

It sounds like a deliciously resourceful idea to me. Since the early James Bond books were written in Jamaica, we can call it our 007 Commemorative Lunch.

another scoop from the shark

With all the info that's coming into my life lately, I'm wondering if I should become a entertainment reporter - but not one of those scum of the earth tabloid rags like the enquirer or daily mirror or?? Yuck - I'd rather become that Billy guy on Access Hollywood or Ryan Seacreast (gay men's posterchild). Oh wait, he' says he's not gay. Coulda fooled me! *wink*

Anyhow, there is a certain athlete that has been in the news lately... a lot ... and when having lunch with a good friend of mine who's hubby works in the sports world gave me a scoop on the rumblings around the water cooler.

After a mutual attraction....seems a certain athlete propositioned a certain hussy to join them in their "mile high club" room for a little shall we say..... suckey, suckey? The only caveat to the agreement was that no *ahem* fluids be exchanged. And when that agreement was broken, apparently said hussy did a bit of bitey, bitey! Said athlete got a bit upset, oh heck... pissed off, at that point, hence the accusations that have been flying around the press. Can you read between the lines? Again, Sharky the Kid scoops the press.

(the names in this post are kept anonymous to protect everyone involved - and to keep any kind of scum of the earth tabloids picking up this post and using it as their own)

jozjozjoz being jozjozjoz

i've got to get a digital camera and permanently attach it to my arm. that way, i could snap pictures of jozjozjoz in her daily routine, spilling coffee on her chest, doing the jozjozjoz dance, and generally providing the much needed comic relief in our lives.

last week, sharky came over to hang out. jozjozjoz, being the good hostess, was making edamame for us to snack on as we watched tv. we usually buy the giant bag of edamame from costco which has a ziploc top. does anyone see where i'm going with this?

she dumped some edamame into the water and closed up the bag to return to the freezer. opened the freezer door and lifted up the bag to put it in. only she had the bag upside down. and it wasn't closed all the way. did you know that edamame makes a very nice, rhythmic rattle when it falls out of the bag, onto the freezer, the floor, and down jozjozjoz's shirt? kind of like those rain sticks you could get at cost plus or music stores.

sharky and i turned around to see her with a now half-empty bag in her hands and edamame all over the floor.

now do you see why i need that camera?

First Kobe, then this.

Former Sparks Player Investigated For Allegedly Sexual Assaulting Teammate
Player Allegedly Raped By Attackers With Suspect

UPDATED: 9:58 a.m. PDT August 13, 2003

LOS ANGELES -- Authorities are investigating a former Los Angeles Sparks player for allegations she sexually assaulted a teammate, according to media reports.

An active investigation is under way against Latasha Byears, according to the Los Angeles County District Attorney's Office. No charges have been filed, but arrests are reportedly imminent.

Byears, who was released by the two-time defending Women's National Basketball Association champions June 10, could not be reached for comment and the team reportedly declined comment.

The alleged incident occurred at a party following a June 5 game against Sacramento at Staples Center, the station reported. A Sparks player reportedly was attacked by Byears and three men, who have no connection with the team.

The men allegedly raped the player and Byears allegedly penetrated the player with an object described as a sex toy, media reports stated.

Pictures of the alleged attack were taken by a cellular telephone camera and e-mailed to other people, one source said.

Sheriff's deputies declined to discuss the case.

Copyright 2003 by NBC4.tv. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.