July 31, 2003
I'm not the only one who wishes it was Friday.
me (10:12:19 AM): How are you?
him (10:12:31 AM): I totally thought it was friday and came in in jeans
him (10:12:46 AM): I think I'm going to go home and change
me (10:12:50 AM): LOL. Seriously?
him (10:12:56 AM): Yep
me (10:12:57 AM): You're going to change?
him (10:13:05 AM): Dude, I dressed like a skater
me (10:16:12 AM): Dude, saying 'dude' only makes it worse!
him (10:59:23 AM): gnarly
Recalls Are for Cars, Not California Governors
Bill Maher. Love him, hate him. Recall Davis, or not. This is a well-written and amusing article. More about the candidates for Governor soon... -jozjozjoz
Recalls Are for Cars, Not California Governors
By Bill Maher
LOS ANGELES TIMES
Commentary
Thursday, July 24, 2003
New rule: No do-overs. Once you elect an official, unless he runs off with public funds or gets caught with kiddie porn, you're stuck with him.
He's the governor, not some dude you married in Vegas.
What's going on here in California, if you're lucky enough to not have been following this, is that the economy turned, so we're getting rid of the governor. But what if we drive him out of office and the economy still doesn't get better? I guess we'll have to burn him. And if that doesn't work, we'll kill his dog.
Yes, in baseball when the team stinks, you fire the manager. But you don't fire him because it rains. And you don't let the opposing team choose a new manager for you.
And you don't fire him between innings. And replace him with a Viennese weightlifter.
Here's why the economy turned: The dot-com bubble burst. (Obviously on the orders of Gray Davis.) The airline industry collapsed. (Just as Gray Davis planned.) We fought two wars. (Playing right into Gray Davis' hands.) And Dick Cheney's friends at Enron "gamed" the energy market and ripped off the state for billions.
So you can see the problem: Gray Davis.
And the obvious solution: A Viennese weightlifter. Arnold Schwarzenegger. Finally, a candidate who can explain the Bush administration's positions on civil liberties in the original German.
But there are still a lot of Democrats with sour grapes over the last presidential election, and they're not collection petitions to replace George Bush with Bernie Mac.
Now, I'm not saying that I like Davis. Being enthusiastic about Davis would be like saying your favorite food is straw. But he fought for his country in Vietnam and won a fair election, and he's entitled to his term.
Maybe he's a lousy governor, but he was the one elected by voters who bothered to show up at the polls. Their efforts shouldn't be undone by disgruntled shoppers signing a petition on their way out of Target.
Anyone who thinks this recall is some great affirmation of democracy should review early American history. This is precisely the kind of direct involvement by the howling masses that the framers wanted to avoid.
But, hey, let's have the recall. And then the people who voted for Davis can have a recall and put him back in. And then we can throw him out again. It works well in Italy.
And it'll really help the state economy, too, when investors realize our political system is on par with Belize.
Oh, and a recall election will cost the state up to $35 million. Money would otherwise just waste on schools and roads. And we'll still have to have a regular election in March.
But this really isn't about elections at all. This is about a congressman named Darrell Issa, a Republican car alarm magnate who wants to be governor and has spent $1.5 million of his own money to fund the recall effort.
Think about that as the silver lining the next time a car alarm wakes you up in the middle of the night.
Bill Maher is host of HBO's "Real Time with Bill Maher."
July 30, 2003
Can the Turkey Industry sue for bad publicity?
Excerpted from a Reuters article on CNN.com about the Bennifer (or Affpez) movie 'Gigli':
Among its biggest problems is a love scene in which Lopez spreads her legs and tells a smoldering Affleck, "It's turkey time. Gobble, gobble."
I swear, I don't think I ever want to eat turkey again. And it gives a whole new meaning to "turkey dog." Blecch.
UPDATE:
Reviews from FoxNews.com, PageSix.com, and MegaStar in the UK.
All mention the infamous "Gobble. Gobble" line. Ew. Ew. Ew!
UPDATE #2: Don't forget the whole business about the airbrushing of the movie poster. Jane has the goods.
Forget Friendster...
...screw Fiendster...
...STD-ster is the online community that connects people through networks of sexual partners for tracking STD contraction.
You can use STD-ster to:
-Meet new people to infect, through your friends and their friends
-Figure out where that awful rash came from
-Motivate yourself to practice abstinence rather than just keep talking about it.
Sign up now!
(via OutOutBlogger, who somehow always finds the sickest best stuff on the web)
No bonding with the plants.
Ah shit, I missed it.
Take Your Houseplants for a Walk Day was July 27, and I missed it. What a neglectful plant mom I am.
And it's an important day for your plants "because your houseplants will become healthier from knowing their environment, [since you] thereby provid[e] them with a sense of knowing, bringing on wellness."
When I look at the Lucky Bamboo, I feel so guilty, knowing that I was not kind enough to take it for a walk on Sunday. Bad plant mom. Bad!
Top 10 Reasons that Verne Troyer and Genevieve Gallen's marriage won't last.
good god! that marriage won't last long. why? Here's the top ten reasons......
Number 10... she's doing it to get her name out and get famous (she's already been on jozjozjoz.com)
Number 9... vern may be a really nice guy, but he can't even get his arms around the woman, and hey, women like to be held and cuddled.
Number 8... so he may not be small "everywhere" but come on, really - it's gotta be no bigger than one twix bar, so he better be good with those little fingers!
Number 7... she'll get tired of carrying him around in one of those kiddie backpacks when he gets tired
Number 6... he's not tall enough to go on the rides at amusement parks
Number 5... she'll get sick of people saying, what a cute little boy you have, when she hasn't given childbirth yet....
Number 4... mrs. mini me?
Number 3... tired of ordering a high chair at fancy restaurants
Number 2... who marries guys named vern?
and the top reason why the marrige won't last very long......
Number 1... she'll get tired of scooting down the red carpet on her ass!!
8/7/2003 UPDATE by jozjozjoz:
Sharky & I have confirmed that jozjozjoz.com has indeed been visited by THE Genevieve Gallen (see comment/urps). We thank her for her willingness to answer questions and for being so nice in her correspondence with us. She has been such a good sport! We wish her & Verne happiness in their future and look forward sharing her side of the story with you.
Per her request, we present Genevieve's rebuttal to Sharky's Top Ten List:
Top 10 Reasons that Verne Troyer and Genevieve Gallen's marriage WOULD last.
#10: I have known Verne since January of 2000. In the duration, I have met many "famous" men who are not half the man Verne is in heart and personality. There are easier ways to become famous than being in a long term real and intimate relationship. Plus, my career in modeling and private yoga lessons is well established and a reward in itself.
#9: To set the record straight. I am 5 '6 without heels and very petite. He is the most amazing man to be held by, and I am fortunate to have his arms around me.
#8: Lets just say, make no assumptions. I am a very satisfied woman.
#7: ahhh....this one is too out there to comment. I will be carrying a kiddie backpack if we decide to have kiddies. :)
#6: When you live in Southern California with it's spontaneous earthquakes, who needs amusement parks?
#5: And they will get sick of hearing "what a cute little intellect you have!" :)
#4: Now I agree, that one would get old quite quickly. You almost hit a "David Letterman" count with that one.
#3: 20" Rims rollin' through the drive through. Or better yet, "Fancy restaurants" will have the Verne. I.P. room.
#2: If fortunate enough, Genevieve Gallen. :)
#1: Yogic practioners are used to sitting in lotus possition for hours, look at it as a good work out. Or goin' down the carpet with flair! I do have to watch the length of my skirts though!
All the best to you who wish us well!!! G.
July 29, 2003
Making a deal with ::jozjozjoz:: is only slightly better than making a deal with the devil.
Seen on IM last night prior to either of us leaving work...
her (5:16:58 PM): i want to go home now
me (5:17:01 PM): Me too
me (5:17:14 PM): If you run from your office screaming at the top of your lungs, I will too
her (5:17:35 PM): haha
her (5:17:38 PM): tempting
her (5:17:40 PM): very tempting
me (5:26:28 PM): No deal? Damn.
UPDATE: From today...
her (12:19:52 PM): is it time to go home yet?
me (12:19:55 PM): LOL
me (12:20:02 PM): Let's make a deal, dammit!
her (12:20:44 PM): haha
her (12:21:02 PM): do i have to pull an egg out of my purse or anything?
me (12:21:37 PM): A vibrating egg? BAD GIRL!
her (12:22:02 PM): haha
her (12:22:14 PM): remember they had you pull something out of your bag or something to earn cash?
her (12:22:27 PM): who here in the audience can give me a hard boiled egg for $100?*
me (12:22:27 PM): Was that a game show?
her (12:22:30 PM): yeah
me (12:22:32 PM): Oh yeah
me (12:22:41 PM): LOL
her (12:23:02 PM): http://www.letsmakeadeal.com/
me (12:23:21 PM): Oh yeah!
Sorry, I'm a little slow on old game show references... what does it mean when I thought of a vibe when she talked about pulling an egg out of her purse?!
*No, we're not really offering $100 for a hard-boiled egg.
Bride of Mini-Me™ (aka Genevieve Gallen, future Mrs. Verne Troyer)
OMG. The traffic to my site was soaring yesterday.
Why is it that I always get tons of traffic to my site when I post incredibly disturbing shit?
The last time this happened was when I posted photos of the Truck Nuts and before that, when I shared Mr. Obscene Swimsuit Man (aka Slingshot Boy) with the blogiverse.
Right now I'm looking at the stats of how people finding my site and like 90% are google and yahoo searches for "Genevieve Gallen" and "Verne Troyer" and "getting married."
Evidently, everybody wants to see pictures so they know what this Genevieve Gallen chick looks like.
Well, good thing The Definitive Compilation of Mini-Me and Bride-To-Be™ Photos can be found right here at jozjozjoz.com.
A public anti-service, indeed.
July 28, 2003
My new mantra... Always believe Eve
When I saw Eve post that it was raining in L.A. a few minutes ago, I thought she was high or something.
It looked fine out to me.
Then I heard the (loud) thunder. And saw the (bright) lightning. And after freaking out for a moment, I realized "SHIT! I should have believed her!"
We are dog-sitting this week and I had to run to the other house and get the dogs into our house before it got too wet and muddy for them to run between the houses.
Now Moca and Terra are sitting here wanting my attention and I'm getting no work done.
::jozjozjoz:: did not turn into a gay male overnight
No, I didn't get visited by the Fairy Fagmother™ this weekend.
For all the confused people who keep sending me IMs and emails going "What happened to you?" or "How dare you say such things about the gay guys in WeHo?!?!?! Who made you an expert?!"
Although I've been called a fag hag on more than one occasion, I, admittedly, am no expert on the gay male community.
But make no mistake, ::professoreric:: posted the thing denouncing the so-called "gay" community, not ::jozjozjoz::
::professoreric:: is an out, proud member of the jozjozjoz network™; and you can read his about his 4th of July here.
So please don't confuse me, ::jozjozjoz::, with a gay male. As FABULOUS and HOT as my homo boyfriends are, I have a popsicle's chance in hell of actually dating any of them. But that doesn't stop me from loving them!
Blog stuff to do
1) Wrap up and announce winners for the WITWISK Game™ (yes, I know I suck).
2) Post prizes and get winners' info for mailing.
3) Package and mail the damn prizes. (Thanks to Sharky for providing much of the prize package.)
4) Take the countdown for my massage off my blog.
Those are my priorities, in that order.
July 27, 2003
Hate and Head bumping
I am loving all of your comments; I am starting to feel not so alone. Just for some clarification, and I am sure joz got it, but the "hate" parts are simply sarcasm. I don't really hate anyone; i just like getting dramatic every now and then. So don't hate me 'cause I hate. Hate is just a four-letter word for love (which is also a four letter word meaning the same thing.) Get me yet?
Take what I say seriously, but never too seriously. Remember, I may be a jerk, but not an asshole. I hope… anyway can’t wait to tell ya’ll about my adventures home here on the east coast. I will have something worthwhile soon enough... if it is still there within the next few days...
There was a street sign that read “GO SLOW BUMP HEAD” I stood around and watched a bit, but no one seemed to heed the sign. Well they did the “slow” part, but I did not see anyone remember to bump their heads as they passed the sign. enough -professoreric
Denouncing the so called "gay" community...
Dear friends, (especially you gay friends out there),
Look recently, I have been asked to explain my seemingly lack of pride. Look I have plenty of “pride” I just don’t feel the need to go to every rainbow clad event, strip off my shirt and take a digital photo to post on gay.com or friendster. Sorry boys. And the word boy, it is spelled b.o.y. not b.o.i. I am very proud of my queer identity, but I am sick of those who feel like the only way to prove it is through cliché acts of gaydom. You most likely will not see me wearing a tiny black tank top every time I go to Rage to grind against the hard gym obsessed bodies of the other man-whores searching for acceptance from the others trying to fit the same cookie cutter identity as we dance to the latest Madonna remix which we pretend to love because she is supposedly a deity to us… ok, you get it. That’s not me, I will not be excited if you invite me to “WeHo” to go clubbing, I don’t care which 80’s pop has-been is singing at the parade, I will not smear body glitter on my Crunch Gym sculpted chest to run out and sing every lyric along with, lets say, Belinda Carlisle belting every line of her songs while rolling down Santa Monica Blvd. on a float commemorating Caesar Chavez’s younger gay brother Emilio Chavez, who did nothing for the farmers and migrant workers, but did create a more ergonomical way to add bright colors to those tiny drink umbrellas you get in fruity drinks at any bar including the ones on the deck of those gay cruise lines you always see advertised in the Advocate or Out. I also will take offense to anyone who comes over to me and after about 5 to 10 minutes of adequate conversations says something along the lines of “wow… you act really straight.” Um, hello did you learn nothing from the heterosexist environments that you grew up in, in these engendered social politics that made you beat up the femmy boys in high school with your dumb jock friends, while all you were thinking of was sucking their cocks in the locker room after basketball practice.
Wait: there is more insensitivity and reverse bigotry!
Well look, you never got the gangbang you fantasize about and have to rent videos from Odyssey video for 99 cents on Tuesdays 'cause you wish it did still happen. Well I will tell you, those gangbangs were not all that great, especially after the frequency breaks double digits, although they did help me learn how to properly act “straight.” As for Crunch gym, I fucking own it, and the gangbangs occur when I want them to and how I want them too, so you better fucking invite me next time you hear that Belinda’s in town, or I will never let you into my gym again, and Madonna is my willing slave, especially since I knocked her up and forced her to keep the baby; that British guy was just a cover up. Not to mention, the next time you are surfing for porn online, those pictures of that hot guy fucking or being fucked, yeah that’s me, and because there are so many pictures of me already available on the net, I do not feel the need to have my photo uploaded onto gay.com etc. I expect you to do the research.
Ok, sorry, overboard once again. But seriously, and this is to all the gays, queens, bois, and other queers etc out there, y’all need to stop being stupid predictable idiots. I know it has taken a lot of you too many years to come out of your proverbial closets, but to prove that you are out, to prove to yourself and to everyone else that you are now “okay” with your sexuality, or lack there of, you do not have to “act gay”, “act straight”, treat others like they are or aren’t acting “gay” enough, or that you need to fill any other sort of stereotype either created by the majority, mass media, or by the queer community ourselves, etc, I hope you realize how stupid all that is. Do you realize that you are just helping the rest of society perpetuate an image of queer identity that keeps people from realizing that we are just people too. Look, I hate the way you think you need to “act” and I hate the fucking music you think you need to listen too (unless I like it too…) and I hate fruity drinks (for the most part), and I hate shopping at the stores you feel you need frequent in order to be accepted (except the discount rack at banana republic) and I most of all, if that is the way you behave, well i just hate you.
I do not work out, because I don’t need too. I fucking look hot and I don’t work out, I just have a high metabolism etc. I am happy being the type of person I am. One of my friends has described me repeatedly as the nicest pessimist she knows, and I don’t need to snort coke to get there either. Ok, long and short of it is I hate gay people, all of them, that is why I am now only dating heterosexual woman, (oh wait, I have basically been doing that for years. Ladies thanks for putting up with my dumb gay bullshit.)
Sorry if I offended anyone. Actually no I’m not.
Currently in Maine, running away from L.A.,
-professoreric
Why yes, my thumb is black.
I hate gardening.
My mom made me go in the backyard to help her trim some bushes.
There were spiders EVERYWHERE!
After about 5 minutes, finally threw the gardening gloves and shears on the grass and ran inside the house doing the heebie-jeebie dance the whole way.
My mom was a little mad but I didn't care. SPIDERS! Eeeek!
July 26, 2003
Help me shop...
One of the things I'm not really fond of is shopping. I like to go to the mall occasionally & look around, but unless I know what I'm there to get, I don't like to buy things. I'm just such a spendthrift & want to know that I'm getting a good deal for my money. I can be very cheap & penny-pinching (especially when it comes to spending money on me) so making a big purchase is a long, drawn-out process for me. It drives Yoshi crazy, since Yosh is the dictionary-example for "instant-gratification-driven-impulsive-buyer™".
I've been moaning and groaning about wanting a digital camera for some time now & have finally decided that I need to just decide on one and buy it.
What's important to me:
1) My budget is $400. I figure I can get a good digital camera that can replace my regular snapshot camera for this price.
2) Value. I don't necessarily mean cheap. I want to know that for the $$$ I'm spending I'm getting a good deal.
3) Small and durable. I want one that I can carry with me everyday & one that's not so fragile that it will break should I drop it (you know what I'm like when it comes to spilling).
As far as other features (megapixels, batteries, memory card, etc.), I will likely put them into a giant grid and compare them side-by-side, because I'm a geek like that.
So I'm looking for recommendations & I'll share with you the ones I'm looking at right now. Comments/suggestions/testimonials welcomed. THANKS!
1) Minolta DiMAGE F100
2) Olympus Camedia D-40 Zoom
3) Canon PowerShot S400
July 25, 2003
Mini-Me + 6'2" model = ???
NOTE: Comments at insignifica are now closed.
Please see the archives at http://www.jozjozjoz.com/archives/000928.php
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Seen at Mikey, Eric, & Scott's...
According to Britain's Sky News, Verne Troyer, the 2-foot-8 "Austin Powers" film star is engaged to a model who's more than twice his size. His fiancee, Genevieve Gallen, is 6-foot-2.
Sky News reports that Gallen is a yoga instructor and model. Troyer and Gallen have been reportedly dating for a year, after initially meeting at a New Year's Eve Party in the Playboy Mansion in 2000.
UPDATE: Here's a link from October 6, 2002: Lovelorn Mini-Me goes on lethal binge
Evidently, when this couple was having problems, Mini-Me was reported to have run wild, fuelled by booze, in the Manhattan strip club Scores.
A dancer said: "Verne hit on every girl he got in his clutches. "He grabbed a friend of mine and whispered: 'Y'know, I'm not small everywhere.' He was definitely looking for some action."
[If Mini-Me ever said something like that to me, I'd probably drop kick him to Timbuktu.]
Don't worry, I have more photos of the happy couple...
Well, what DO you do with your miscarried fetus?
No, that's not some sort of twisted anti-abortion joke...
Authorities: Woman Buries Fetus In Back Yard
Police: Foul Play Not Involved
UPDATED: 11:55 a.m. PDT July 25, 2003
LA HABRA, Calif. -- The remains of a fetus were found in a the back yard of a Southland home Friday, according to NBC4.
Police went to the home Friday after receiving a call early 2 a.m. from hospital officials,
Officials said that a woman had been admitted to the hospital for a miscarriage she suffered at home. The woman said she had buried the fetus in the back yard, according to NBC4.
Detectives determined the miscarriage was natural.
The woman was reportedly about 4½ months pregnant.
The coroner took the fetus for an initial investigation and a medical examination.
Authorities said that there appears to be no foul play in the case.
Copyright 2003 by NBC4.tv. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.
Blog Change Bot
Seen at mischiefgurl, plastic fruit, michael, jen, and sledge's sites...
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July 24, 2003
Public Service Announcement
I interrupt your day for a very important public service announcement...
On July 24th from 5:00 - 8:00pm, guests will be treated to a regular size “Make-A-Wish® Creation™*.” In exchange for the free Creation™, customers are encouraged to make donations to benefit the Make-A-Wish Foundation®.
(*One creation per customer.)
Make-A-Wish® Promotion
Celebrate National Ice Cream Month
and Support the Make-A-Wish Foundation®
with Cold Stone Creamery®
Support the Make-A-Wish Foundation®, all month long, every ice cream purchase you make benefits the Make-A-Wish Foundation®, an organization that grants wishes to children with life-threatening medical conditions.
We suggest you try a very special “Make-A-Wish® Creation™,” developed by Alexei, age 7, a Wish child from Atlanta, Georgia. The creation consists of Cake Batter™ Ice Cream, hand-blended on the frozen granite stone with Oreo® , M&M's® and Fudge.
Join us for the second annual World’s Largest Ice Cream Social at participating Cold Stone Creamery® locations nationwide, a special night to join together and share the simple pleasures of life with FREE ice cream, family activities and good-natured fun. Search our site for a location near you.
On July 24th from 5:00 - 8:00pm, guests will be treated to a regular size “Make-A-Wish® Creation™*.” In exchange for the free Creation™, customers are encouraged to make donations to benefit the Make-A-Wish Foundation®.
(*One creation per customer.)
July 23, 2003
William speaketh the trutheth.
I was playing with the Shakespeare Magnet Poetry and the first line I created was...
by George! behold thee ragged woman
July 22, 2003
That's fucked up.
I have nothing to say about the whole Kobe Bryant thing, but I will say this...
It is REALLY fucked up that people are circulating (via email and IM) the name, age, email, address, and phone number of The Girl Who Was Schtupped By Kobe™.
I've gotten it from three different people via IM and then by e-mail at least twice (that I've seen). And in both cases, the email had been forwarded at least 10-15 generations before it even got to me.
Wrong. Just wrong.
July 21, 2003
July 20, 2003
Joz says "Good morning!" to the gardener (aka 'the scary shit you might see if you look in our house')
The gardener is supposed to come on Saturday mornings. He didn't come yesterday, so we just figured he flaked.
This morning, I opened the door to my bedroom and saw the gardener peering into the house.
Did I mention I was only wearing my bra and underwear?
I slammed the door shut and put a kimono on before going out there and asking what he wanted.
He said he was here to work on the lawn. (Duh. Aside for coming over and being a freakin' peeping tom, what the hell else do you come for?)
UPDATE: No, I was not wearing my Bitchy Kat™ panties. And, no, Mikey2, I will not model them for you. And, unless you'd like your corneas to be burned to a crisp, no, you do not WANT to see me in my bra and panties. I must give the gardener some credit. I cannot believe he did not weed whack his eyes out of his after seeing such a disgusting sight.
July 19, 2003
July 18, 2003
My weekend starts in 1 hour.
Here's my 'itinerary'
TONIGHT:
-Dinner with Yoshi in Larchmont Village.
-See The Blue Planet at the Hollywood Bowl
TOMORROW:
-My cousin's bachelorette party!
-My Burke Williams massage! (Spa afternoon for bachelorette party)
-Dinner & PAR-TAY at The Sunset Room
SUNDAY:
-Run (clerk) the eBay Live Auction for the Legendary Seabiscuit & Racing Memorabilia Auction.
The Joz Spill Report™ Last Night
I have a bad feeling The Joz Spill Report™ will become a regular recurring item somewhere on my blog.
I came home, changed into an Old Navy lavender t-shirt, sat down for dinner and dripped green Avocado Salsa on my right boob.
SCORE
Joz: 1
Shirt: 1198023740981237409
July 17, 2003
The Joz Spill Report™ today
ALL CLEAR!
I had lunch with Chris, My Friend Who Got Shot But Lived to Kick Ass™, at Zankou Chicken. I also ran into another friend there, eating at another table... small world.
Anyway, Chris can vouch that I didn't spill anything on myself today. Halfway through lunch, he even commented on the fact that I hadn't spilled.
I thought for sure that he jinxed me at that point, but I managed to get through a meal spill-free!
HOORAY!
(On second thought, if I had spilled this on my shirt, it would have been kind of pretty... no?)
Wearing black today
I will *not* spill anything on my shirt today.
(But if I do, you won't be able to see it.)
Bitchy Kat™ says "Buy a shirt for Joz (or yourself)"
So in the wake of posting my very own boob shot on my blog, I realize that I have a major regret.
I really, really wish that I had listened to my friend Kristina (aka The Big Bad Chinese Mama™) when she said to buy her awesome Bitchy Kat™ shirts. If I'd been wearing one of her shirts, maybe I wouldn't have been wearing The Infamous Doomed Shirt and I wouldn't have spilled hot coffee all over myself.
So what happens when Hello Kitty™ grows a mouth?
She tells Joz to stop wearing her doomed shirt and wear a Bitchy Kat™ shirt instead.
You also need to heed this advice and buy your Bitchy Kat™ shirt NOW!
If you do some further shopping, Joz might even be convinced to show you some Asian pussy.
(Available ONLY at my friendster Ryan Suda's blacklava.net)
Click here for a pop-up of the Bitchy Kat™ shirt!
July 16, 2003
Don't you try to take it away from me...
me: You know I have the most caffinated left tit in all of L.A.
her: no one can take that away from you
her: for the rest of the day
me: I'm so proud
her: obviously
Seriously need to think about that bib idea...
I just ate dinner and spilled more stuff on my shirt.
BBQ sauce in the middle and I dropped a piece of chicken on the bottom right of the shirt. To even it out, I guess.
It's now safely soaking in the sink.
You knew the day would come...
...when I would put a picture of my boob on my site.
Well here it is.
*drumroll*
MY LEFT TIT!
Of course, it is fully clothed and covered in coffee, but it's a boob shot, nonetheless.
How I managed to spill so much hot coffee on my left boob and still have coffee left in the cup (and feeling left in my tit) the is a mystery to me. I must be extraordinarily talented.
Yes, this is The Infamous Shirt... the one that has been marked, worn incorrectly, jumped on by dogs, and is generally doomed. I doubt that a bib would have done me any good in this case.
The photo does not capture just HOW MUCH of my shirt is covered with coffee. Since I have a lunch date today, I had to go to the bathroom and wash the shirt out as best as I could.
I am currently sitting at my desk and having my own personal wet t-shirt contest.
And I think I'm still winning. (Oops. My mistake... I'm winning the Joz Is A Dork Contest™.)
July 15, 2003
A Bib?
I think I may need to start wearing a bib when I eat.
There are chicken & salsa stains all down the front of my shirt and in my lap.
Dammit.
July 14, 2003
Evidently I'm in trouble...
Mikey2 says I'm in trouble for "defacing his site" while he was gone on vacation.
Deface, schmeface!
I thought that renaming his site to the Joztrix and the posting of multiple girlie pics were great additions improvements to his site.
Besides, I called him a hottie. What's so wrong with that?
No singing hamburgers, but a good show nonetheless...
More later, but here's a brain barf of the day... (and the other half of the Baker's Dozen)
1. I can still get away with wearing pigtails.
2. Stop calling me a FOB. I ♥ my parasol.
3. Laguna Beach in the summer is CROWDED. I am not a toe ring kind of gal.
4. Lunch overlooking the beach is great when you are sitting under a heater (that blocks the sun).
5. Only in Orange County will it snow in the middle of a July evening. Remember to buy our 2004 Pageant of the Masters tickets when they become available in December.
6. Spending $77 on purses today was a very good deal. Made me happy!
7. Hunny, "Thank YAW!"
July 13, 2003
Baker's Half-Dozen (early & no pic)
In no particular order, so far this weekend makes me think of...
1. Birthday party at maki maki at Irvine Spectrum. Pirates? WTF?
2. Rocket Man! Elton John music by GMCLA. Did you know hamburgers can sing? But only at the Crocodile Rock.
3. Berry Berry Berry Good® in a waffle cone at Cold Stone Creamery.
4. It's HOT in Glendale.
5. Gingersmack surprises me with two mixes!
6. Best to have Mom make a list for Costco instead of going with me.
UPDATE: Extra pics and links added.
July 12, 2003
Girlie pictures!
Yowza!
Showing now over at the Miketrix Joztrix... girlie pix!
Nothing hardcore (yet... you can change that!)... just some eye candy...
Thanks to Krix for the Carrie Ann Moss contributions & Meeta for the redhead one (above).
July 11, 2003
Hey, look!
Seven days 'til my massage! Whoo!
(What joy a silly little counter has brought to my life!)
Coupons rule!
I have these awesome coupons (that expire in a week) at El Pollo Loco for a 2-piece meal for $1.99 with the purchase of a medium drink.
In addition to a thigh and drumstick, I usually get a garden salad & vegetables on the side and a medium Diet Coke. (On a side note, Don has listened to me order one of these meals.)
After tax, the cost of my entire meal is $3.77.
I have had this meal approximately once a week for the last 4 weeks, but since the coupons expire soon, I think I will be eating chicken for lunch a lot next week.
My mantra for today...
Don't despair!
The weekend is almost here!
(And it rhymes, too!)
UPDATE: What the fuck is wrong with me? That doesn't rhyme at all!
I'm not a horrible fish mom...
With Yoshi's help, the tank FINALLY got cleaned today.
It was gross... but it's not (so much) anymore!
July 10, 2003
Also need a picture phone. Now.
So Marc Brown of blogblogblog has launched Buzznet, a photoblog/moblog site. I think it's pretty cool because it's free & easy, easy, easy to use.
Check out my buzznet profile & stuffs. And in my adding-things-to-my-right-sidebar-orgy™, notice that I've syndicated it on this site.
I really wish I had a picture phone now. I thought I didn't need one, but I was really wrong about that one.
UPDATE: Because I have no picture phone & James (my Hot-Asian-Guy-Friend-Who-Hits-On-Me-Via-Drunk-IM™) does, I have syndicated his buzznet on my right-sidebar under mine.
P.S. - Yes he is a pic whore. Just part of his charm.
July 09, 2003
I need it now.
Stop thinking dirty thoughts, you perv.
I have a full session Burke Williams massage scheduled in exactly 10 days... and I need it now.
I am overworked & desperately deserve some relaxation time. Thank goodness my cousin's bachelorette party involves a Burke Williams afternoon. I am grateful.
I even put a countdown 'til my massage on my right sidebar. That's how bad I need it.
Go kiss it.
Go on!
Do it! Kiss Dania's blog. She could use it.
Thinkin' of her kids & Dave & Molly...
July 08, 2003
No...
... I didn't see a llama this time... but I did just see Sharon Osbourne (yes, Ozzy's better half) filming a segment for her new talk show outside our office window.
Too bad she's not my best friend (like Bernie Mac is).
WITWISTK? Game™: Clue #15
WITWISTK? Game™: Clue #15 (to answer Question #6: Where is destination #4?)
A beautiful mountain valley just west of Pikes Peak holds spectacular remnants of the earth's prehistoric life.
Visual clue:
July 07, 2003
WITWISTK? Game™: Clue #14
WITWISTK? Game™: Clue #14 (to answer Question #5: Where is destination #3?)
Visual clue:
4th of July = Labor Day
I wish that on this Monday-after-the-4th-of-July-Weekend I could have some wild and debaucherous stories to tell you, but alas, my life is incredibly dull and boring.
I spent the 4th of July cleaning the house. Yes, you read that right. I CLEANED the house. Whoo hoo! I am one wild and ka-ray-zee gal!
But the fun didn't end there. Saturday, the 5th of July was the *real* treat for me. I spent the day in our homemade sauna.
Homemade sauna sound fun? Next time, please join me... if you dare.
The bathroom in my parents house has been in desperate need of some TLC. It has had the same ugly peach/blue/striped/floral wallpaper for the (almost) 20 years since my family moved in.
My dad decided that he wanted to re-paint the bathroom. His plan was to paint over the wallpaper.
"WHAT?!?! You can't paint over the already-bubbling wallpaper!" I screamed at him (in Mandarin). "You need to remove the wallpaper first before you paint it."
Dad: "No. It's too much work to take the wallpaper off. I'll just paint over it."
Me: "You might as well leave the wallpaper up if you're going to do that!"
Dad: "Fine, then you steam off the wallpaper."
Me: "FINE! I will!" [What?!?!?! Who's the dummy that said that!??!!?]
So I woke up bright and early Saturday morning to steam the wallpaper off the bathroom wall. My poor Brother got roped into helping & for the first couple of hours, it went quite well. He held the steamer and I scraped & pulled the layer of the wallpaper off. We effectively created a nice little sauna in the bathroom, as it was already a 95-degree day outside. With no breeze and virtually no ventilation, Bro and I were sweating away inside our cheery little homemade sauna. Nothing like a little additional heat & humidity to brighten up your 5th of July.
As we were kept working on the wall, we both kept commenting on the bizarre texture of the wall beneath this layer. I had never seen striped textured drywall. And I could still see the "artwork" some child had left on the wall with pencil and crayon which had been painted over with white paint over the texture.
Then we got to a big crack in the striped textured layer. And I peeked beneath it. And THAT'S when I saw the layer of grey I was expecting. So I peeled that away, & realized that beneath the grey was some wood-colored paperlike stuff, and beneath THAT was the plaster part of the wall we REALLY wanted.
And here are my IMs to Sharky when I realized I was wrong when I previously told her I was almost done taking off the wallpaper & would be ready to prime the wall soon...
me: hi. so i have to tell you i was wrong when i said the wallpaper was almost all off
sharky the kid: ok
me: it was 30-year-OLD vinyl, textured wallpaper on top of the dry wall. which had been painted and above that was another thing layer of wallpaper
sharky: ewwwww
me: so after steaming the first wallpaper off (which took a while, but wasn't that hard)
sharky: ewwwwww
me: that wood colored paper stuff? that was the bottom layer of the old vinyl wallpaper. so we had to scrape the paint and texture off the vinyl in order for us to be able to steam the last layer of wallpaper off
sharky: oy
me: we gave up after more than 5 hours of messing with it. and i have to take another weekend and go back and finished what i started.
sharky: geez, so you didnt even get to painting
me: nope, we did most of the scraping
me: and there is still another small wall that still has all layers in tact
sharky: geez that sucks!
me: it was more horrific than i ever imagined. the original wallpaper paste is like 30 years old
sharky: yikes
At the end, my Mom joined in and helped scrape too, but there is still a lot left to do, before we can even prime the walls. Thanks to Sharky for all the wall, prep, & paint advice. Too bad I couldn't actually USE any of the painting advice yet.
And I forgot to mention that in the middle of all this, we blew out some fuses to the house when we were simultaneously using 3 major appliances (in addition to the refrigerator and computers and stuff) in the same general part of the house. Bro and I had the steamer going full-blast while Mom was in the kitchen using the blender to make smoothies. Dad thought it would be a great idea to use the power saw at the same time.
The next thing we knew, all the power in the house was working at about half it should have been. As the steam from my steamer began to peter out, I could hear Mom & Dad ask almost simultaneously, "Why isn't the blender/saw working?" We had to wait about 30 minutes and use our appliances in shifts before Bro & I got back to the wall again.
So anyway, anyone want to join me in our homemade sauna? It'll be you, me, a lot of sweating, grunting, and some occasional shrieking and screaming. And at the end of the day, I promise you'll be sore... ooooh baby!
Any takers?
WITWISTK? Game™: Clue #13
WITWISTK? Game™: Clue #13 (to answer question #3)
Keywords:
Loeb, Plaza, NY Times, Lou Dobbs, Anderson School, Minard
Good luck ; )
July 06, 2003
The 4th of July, Ikea, fireworks in Silverlake, Nicaragua, post-traumatic stress disorder, and more.
Hello one and all, my new world of bloggies. Here is a bit about my recent observations of the 4th of July. I might get a bit political here. Sorry, but it won't be too bad. This 4th started out with a very American trip to Ikea. The roomies and I got a few things we needed, and a lot we didn't... that happens at Ikea, a land where everything is named to sound like the punch line to Swedish jokes. A lot of these jokes appear to be somehow related to gay porn, with names such as (and I will not put in those umlauts etc, cause I don't know where they go, but here is a sampling): stroker, billy, gruntal, throb, you get it? Ok, so after getting back from Ikea, I needed desperately to get out of the house. I was drained, felt like the Death Valley sewer system... Time to imbibe...
So like any good citizen or illegal migrant worker would do I went to a BBQ. This was all the way in Silverlake. (I live on the Westside, so it was a trek through the city.) Drove past Echo Park, with people crowding around the glassy lake, soon to be littered with debris of mostly illegal fireworks, and drove about the threateningly steep hills in northern Alvarado in Silverlake ‘til I found the party. We sat there overlooking, but slightly obscured by post-bloom jacaranda trees, both Echo Park and Dodgers Stadium. People were shooting of fireworks all around, and it was more then a couple of times that someone made the comment that it sounded like we were under attack. Mind you, this was usually followed by a chuckle. Here we were comparing how people were celebrating a free day (which is supposed to be to reflect on our “independence”) and we are comparing it to war.
Flashback, News Year’s Eve in Nicaragua a few years ago… I remember talking with my family how it seemed odd to us that there were so many firecrackers and fire works being set off in the little seaside Sandinista strong hold of the former revolution. It seemed odd, with our outsider perspective, because there was so much gunfire and explosions etc., and yet no one seemed to be bothered by the sounds of the whizzing and popping of these fireworks. No one would even flinch. I remembered picturing bad Lifetime movies, or after school specials where a soldier comes home to their small town in rural America or whatever, and slips into a post-traumatic coma upon hearing a car backfire outside his/her window. You know what I am talking about, right? I have seen this scene, something with the same idea, in many examples of dramatic television and movies, and even in a Kids in the Hall skit. Is there truth to these traumatic moments, or is it some weird culturally-accepted condition that seems to only exist in our world of Americana bullshit? Who cares?
Anyway, meanwhile while I was on a deck overlooking the happy war zone, my roommates were attempting to find fireworks to watch in our neighborhood, after attempting to assemble our new dining room table, whose name was something similar to a Swedish skin disease. Not expecting our quiet little street to be filled with celebrating neighbors, they were taken aback as they watched the children shoot of bottle rockets etc, without blowing out their eyes or losing fingers. Neither of my roommates have been through a violent ground war, they are both pleasantly college-educated and have lived fairly decent lives. However, as one of our neighbors, a little boy, lit off a bottle rocket accidentally in the direction of my passing roomies, while his mother wearing her chador watched on, my roomies both instinctually pulled each other to the ground curled up and covered their faces and screamed in terror. I could not stop laughing when I heard this story; I devoured the comedic reaction that these two apparent thought was appropriate. Yesterday, going to Coldstone’s to get some ice cream, a car backfired while we were in the garage. They both screamed and ducked their heads. Luckily they didn’t go into a post-traumatic stress-induced coma.
Not sure what this all adds up to just thought I would give these quick observations out for the world to ponder. I haven’t really deconstructed any of this politically etc., so if anything came across as ignorant or offensive, just know that this has just been a small section of my thoughts, and lacked any real critical analysis.
Whatever, I am going on a road trip and am excited to take part in my freedom that came with my first unemployment check. Thanks government for encouraging me to take some time off. Happy 6th of July everyone.
WITWISTK? Game™: Winner #4
WITWISTK? Game™: Winner #4: Yay for jenjenjen! SkurdyCat correctly answered "Atlanta" to Question #4: Where is Sharky going after her business trip? (Where is destination #2?)
We skipped Winner #3 (Question #3: What is Sharky doing during her business trip?) but you can continue to guess and submit answers to this. (More clues coming!)
What is the Joztrix?
So I've been "left in charge" over at Mikey2's so I'm trying to give it a little jozjozjoz love.
That means, please be lewd, rude, obscene & generally annoying.
Oh, and leave lots of links to porn and stuffs.
Pretty please.
July 05, 2003
Another addition to the jozjozjoz.com network!
Ok, boyz and girlz, da professor is in da hizzouse.
Doood. I *so* cannot get away with talking like that so I'll just stop now.
You may have noticed that there is a new person to welcome on jozjozjoz.com.
Actually, you've kind of already met him, as I've been posting Eric's gratitudes up for him in anticipation of his writing in this blog.
And you've also seen the joint artwork of Joz & Eric, aka Hipsters, Inc.
Follow the lead of Sharky & Yoshi & welcome him heartily. He's the best!
July 04, 2003
I am an American...
Happy 4th of July.
I'm sharing with you a salute to this fine country... one with a different angle than a lot of the flag-waving salutes you may have seen elsewhere. This is stolen shamelessly from the guy who hosts my blog for me, Mike Doss.
My name is Michael Doss, and I am an American.
I didn't do anything to deserve this title and position; I don't believe in reincarnation, or in a god that would put me here for a purpose. I was born to American parents, in America, and therefore I am what I am.
As we celebrate the symbolic day of independence, I'm reminded how lucky I am to have the rights I do, and I realize the responsibilities that go along with being an American in 2003.
I have the right to free speech. I can say how much I love Michael Moore, how much I hate Pat Robertson, or how bad I think the president's actions are for the government and for the people. I have the responsibility to both listen to you and defend your right to free speech, no matter what you say.
I have the right to burn a flag, just as you have a right to fly it. The symbolism of the flag equally represents both of these rights. You have every right to believe the flag means everything as I do to believe the flag is a piece of cloth.
I have the right to freedom from religion, not just freedom of religion. I have the right to believe whatever I want, and not face undue pressure, persecution or representation from or of your religion.
I have the right to love anyone I want, however I want, as long as they agree. It is neither the government's responsibility or in their best interest to monitor or register personal relationships.
I have a responsibility to question my government and its actions, regardless if I believe in or don't believe in what my government is doing. To be told by a representative of that government that we should not question is both insulting and suspect.
I have a responsibility to involve myself in government, though voting, learning, and discussing, and otherwise participating. No other right or responsibility is greater, because through this one the rest are born.
I have a responsibility to know my place in the world, and be aware of my position. As a middle class American, I have more wealth, rights and power than most everyone else on the planet. With this knowledge, I can choose how I represent myself, and how I choose to help.
I have a responsibility to leave my city, county, state, country and planet in a better way than when I got here. This goes back to my position of power as a middle class American, as well as my position as a human being. This means helping out people who need my help, regardless of how they got into that position, but with consideration of how it will affect me.
These, and many others, are my rights and my responsibilities. It's not the clothes I wear, the car I drive, the flags I wave, or the allegiance I pay that makes me an American, it's my rights, my responsibilities, and my actions.
My name is Michael Doss, and I am an American.
July 03, 2003
No blue balls for me, thankyouverymuch
My gratitude for today, and it is a sincere one, comes courtesy of marcmarcmarc blogblogblog.
I am grateful that there are no nuts hanging from my vehicle or any other vehicle I might have to drive. I am also grateful I have never actually seen these things on anyone else's vehicles (though I know it's just a matter of time 'til I do).
Billed as the "ultimate vehicular ornament!"
WITWISTK? Game™: Clue #12
WITWISTK? Game™: Clue #12: Sharky's work in New York is complete. Her flight took her to a "southern" city (destination #2).
We still don't have a winner to Question #3 (What is Sharky doing during her business trip?) but we can start giving clues for:
Question #4: Where is Sharky going after her business trip? (Where is destination #2?)
July 02, 2003
Bah!
Still grumpy about my contacts.
Head hurts from wearing glasses. Trying a different pair today to see if my head feels any better.
Have already exceeded the recommended dosage of Excedrin Migraine.
So I say again... Bah!
July 01, 2003
Eye suck... update
My eye doctor is still making me go back for an exam, though I'll probably have a small discount on the price since my last exam was pretty recent (April 2002).
But the good news is he's taking my appointment for tomorrow & even coming in early so I can get taken care of right away.
The bad news is my head is KILLING me from wearing glasses all day. Need my contacts. ASAP!
WITWISTK? Game™: Clue #11
Clue #11: Sharky's event has happened annually 45 times prior to Monday night.
Eye suck
Grumpy.
I don't know what the hell is wrong with me sometimes.
I stayed up waaay too late last night (playing with my new webcam). As I was getting ready to go to bed, I did my usual contact lens removal/cleaning routine. As is my habit, I plugged the sink so that if I dropped the contact, it wouldn't go down the drain. And of course, I dropped my left contact last night.
So what do I do? Without thinking, I unplugged the sink with my contact still floating around in the basin. I quickly realized what I did, I immediately plugged the sink back up, but it was too late.
Since this is my only pair of contacts & I no longer have vision insurance through work, I got desperate. I tinkered with the idea of undoing the pipe underneath the sink & spent 15 minutes cleaning out the cabinet under the sink. (I had done something similar once before & I was actually able to retrieve it out of the gross pipe.) I dug out Yoshi's wrenches and tools and stuff and I was able to undo one portion of the pipe. But when disgusting black water started to come out of it, I decided that even if I could undo the other side, I really, really didn't want that contact back in my eye again. (By now, it was approximately 2:00 am.)
Then I spent 20 minutes looking for my DKNY glasses that I haven't worn in months. I tore up our newly cleaned house looking for it, to no avail. I went to bed worrying about how I was going to see when I woke up in the morning.
This morning I woke up and remembered I had been carrying my glasses around in one of my other purses & sure enough, they were there. (Incidentally, I also found the camera I hadn't been able to find in weeks there.)
And I just got off the phone with my eye doctor's office. They won't reorder my contact for me if it's been over a year since my last exam (it has).
So now I have to pay (out-of-pocket) for an exam, a contact (maybe two) and I have to figure out how I'm going to be able to take time out of my busy work schedule to do it.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.