jozjozjoz.com :: brain barf

Ow, my back.

It hurts. REALLY bad. I have such bad posture/chair at work.

It's KILLING me.

Ow. Ow. Ow.

Soon I will be rifling through the first aid kit for drugs and painkillers.

This is Terra

This is Moca's trusty companion, Terra.

I don't know what kind of dog Terra is. Do you?

Terra is very sweet and excitable. Unfortunately, when she gets too excited, she just can't hold it in & she piddles everywhere.

She has pokey toenails that jab me deeply (and painfully) when she decides she wants to jump on me, which, unfortunately, is pretty often. [Please don't suggest she needs a pedicure. They don't help & result in her pointy toenails being EVEN SHARPER.]

Terra is also orally-fixated & can usually be seen running around with a shoe/toy/slipper/bone in her mouth. These are rare shots as Terra has nothing in her mouth.

How did this happen?

I found out that on March 3, 2003 (03/03/03), evidently my site was #24 in the Top 25 most popular sites according to Popdex.

How the hell did that happen?

That would be above #29 (The SciFi.com Battlestar Galactica site) and #32 (Wired News: Monkeylike Baby Bot Meets World). I'm in shock and awe.

It must have been The Infamous Check.

Are you sick of seeing this yet? And "hi" to Kristina and her harem!

hot joz butt(on)s... thanks to jewdez!

My pimp Jewdez is such a doll... so for people who don't want a button of my chewbacca/ewok dog, you can have some hot jozjozjoz buttons, instead!

... these two newly designed-by-that-kick-ass-jewdez buttons go along with the previously created joz butt(on) created by Armafair!

Whoo hoo! I am one lucky chickadee!

Random Word of the Day

Word of the Day for Sunday August 27, 2000

verisimilitude \ver-uh-suh-MIL-uh-tood; -tyood\, noun:
1. The appearance of truth; the quality of seeming to be true.
2. Something that has the appearance of being true or real.

Moca says "Have a good day!"

Moca is a big large gargantuan german shepherd who lives in our yard and protects us.

She likes to dig holes and put her wet nose on my tummy.

This is Moca saying "Have a good day!" to me as I left for work this morning. She is trying to put her wet nose on my nice, clean, white shirt. Unfortunately, because she squirmed so much, every picture I took of her was blurry. Doh.

Every Sunday is Ramen Day...

... or so it says here.

Sunday is also the day Eric & Jocelyn rest, so we have no artistic rendering for Ramen Day.

Why don't you create one of your own? [Then ping me here.]

[This post is dedicated to Oomphie, who was certain I was going to do something weird about ramen. I still might.]

National Pretzel Day!

Today is National Pretzel Day. Go and eat a pretzel.

Today is also Hug an Australian Day.

Let's combine it for National Hug an Australian-Eating-a-Pretzel-Day.

My favorite part is the pretzel saying: "I am salty and delicious." Oooh baby.

Artistic rendering and photo provided by Eric and Jocelyn.

UPDATE:
Coley has outdone me.

Comments from the Peanut Gallery...

Thanks for the editorial on the artwork, Bootsy.

Happy Zucchini Bread Day!

Of course, what I'm REALLY looking forward to is August 8: Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbors Porch Night!

UPDATE:
I should note that this is on the white board behind my desk in my office. Our boss hasn't made any comments about this yet. We're wondering if he ever will. Maybe he's afraid to.

Illustration and Photo Courtesy Eric & Jocelyn.

Dumb Traffic Lights... Day 2

The power is still out in certain areas of Hollywood.

As if people didn't drive stupidly enough in L.A., now we have to deal with them trying to figure out how to go through intersections with no traffic lights.

Grrrr.

UPDATE:
As of lunch time, the rumor I heard was that the traffic lights are now operational. We shall see.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Yeah, this was forwarded to me. But it's late and I just got home.

Image borrowed from The Psychic Chicken Network. No joke.

But check the joke below...
~~~~~~

GEORGE W BUSH
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either against us or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

HANS BLIX
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

MOHAMMED ALDOURI - Iraq Ambassador
The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We do not even have a chicken.

RALPH NADER
The chicken's habitat on the other side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrial greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

PAT BUCHANAN
To steal the job of a decent, hard-working American.

RUSH LIMBAUGH
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet that somebody out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars. And when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build a road for chickens to cross.

MARTHA STEWART
No-one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay---isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side". That's what they call it, "the other side". Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we Boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side".

DR SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain. Alone.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together - in peace.

ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX
It was an historic inevitability.

RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?

ALBERT EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken........What is your definition of chicken?

THE BIBLE
And God came down from heaven, and he said unto the chicken - THOU SHALT CROSS THE ROAD. And the chicken didst cross the road, and there was much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS
What, did I miss one?

Dumb Traffic Lights

I walked out the door a full 20 minutes earlier than necessary so I could get to work early. But there were LINES of cars everywhere I went.

Traffic signals throughout Hollywood were out due to a power outage. Needless to say, I did not make it to work as early as I had hoped (but not as late as I had feared).

It's 1pm and the signals are STILL down. I had to stay in and eat lunch from the vending machine. Doh.

UPDATE:
I left work at 6:15pm. The lights were STILL out. I wonder when they finally fixed them???

Tired

I'm always tired these days.

My Mom freaks out and says I'm ruining my health, but it's not like I'm out smoking and partying and stuff.

I'm just working. A lot.

Is that why people love Ikea so much?!

Ikea's new bed shares name with German obscenity.

Read more about the "Gutvik" (which means "Good f***" in German) blow below... (I love how this is a WOODEN bed...)

Ikea has apologised after accidentally naming a child's bunk bed after an obscene German expression.

The Swedish firm didn't realise the problem until after the £110 bed went on sale across Europe.

The wooden bed is called the "Gutvik" which means "Good f***" in German.

But the Swedish firm's adverts for the bed were hastily withdrawn from windows and papers after it was pointed out to bosses what the words meant in German.

IKEA spokesman Sabine Nold, 40, said: "Yes, we do have a bed of this name that is on offer in our stores at the moment.

"It is the name of a tiny Swedish town. We did not realise that it could also be taken as something obscene."

She says the 10,000 articles in the IKEA catalogue have the same names the world over and occasionally a word might have a different meaning in a different language.

Story filed: 11:05 Thursday 17th April 2003

Joz Eye View

This is what I look at every Monday through Friday.

An Easter Treat for Coley

coley: they're showing an all time easter favorite... 10 commandments
jozjozjoz: geez... that's such a long movie!
coley: 10 hour movie
jozjozjoz: an hour for each commandment
coley: lol. rameses in this movie looks sexay
jozjozjoz: hahaha. i can see it now... famous quotes from coley "rameses looks sexay"
coley: shush. lol. he does. especially with that braid hanging off the back of his head. good sex prop.
jozjozjoz: too late! it goes out on my blog!
coley: ahahah. lol
jozjozjoz: doh. i can't find a photo of him online.
coley: i'm trying to find one
jozjozjoz: hahaha. we are both doing the same thing
coley: yeaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh buddy. yul brynner. he was russian too. foreign. just like how i want them.
jozjozjoz: hahaha. you are cracking me up

[don't worry, there's more...]

coley: man, moses got nothing on rameses
coley: they need to stop showing moses. no one wants to see his hairy ass.
jozjozjoz: haha. do they actually show his hairy ass?
coley: no. i'm just saying he's really hairy in this movie
coley: ramses on the other hand. nice smooth head. yum yum rockay!
jozjozjoz: hahaha. freak!

I TOLD you I was really going to put this in my blog!

I'm a ramen retard.

I am so ill, but it's my own damn fault.

I ate instant ramen. Ew. Blech. I can feel the sodium coursing through my veins.

I ate Cup Noodles while chatting with Bootsy and Oomphie (yes, I have her permission to call her that!).

Can I blame them for my binge?!

Maybe I should have gone to Asahi Ramen... and I know fresh ramen is better, but who has time to make it themselves?!

joz butt...

...on?

button!

Whoo hoo!

Armafair made it feel like my birthday by making me a button!

Finally, I feel like I'm in the big leagues (well, big something, anyway!)

Feel free to link me or even to make me another (if you so feel the need)!

I give up... The Shirt is doomed...

Yes, I dared to wear the Infamous Shirt today. [why am i such a dummy?]

I made it through the entire day with no additional pen or marker stains on my shirt (even though I used both).

Then I came home and big dogs jumped on me. And you know how much I hate it when dogs jump on me.

I now have a big ol' paw print on The Shirt.

Better yet, the paw print is on the boob area of the shirt. It looks like a big dog groped me.

Oooh baby.

[sigh]

Masturbate-a-thon set for live webcast

Found on Ananova:

Masturbate-a-thon set for live webcast

A community sex education centre is to broadcast a charity masturbate-a-thon live on the internet.

It's being organised by Carol Queen of The Centre for Sex & Culture in San Francisco.

The Centre is a non-profit, sex education organisation which provides events, classes and a library.

Participants in the May 2 event will collect money for charity and then masturbate privately.

The masturbate-a-thon will feature separate women's and men's areas, as well as a mixed-gender area.

Those taking part must be 18 and over, and prizes will be awarded for most money raised, among other achievements.

During the webcast, there will be clearly-marked separate public and private areas.

Part of the room will be seen on camera, while part will be shielded, so people who don't want to appear live on the webcam will be able to participate too.

Story filed: 12:08 Tuesday 15th April 2003

I'm offended, I think.

What the hell is this about?

Saddam Hussein was a gay porn star? Not just on South Park?

With no footage, I'm hesitant to believe this.

It sounds suspiciously like an effort to cast Saddam in a negative light (as if "cavorting with Osama," like there was any proof of that; the human rights violations; etc. wasn't bad enough).

So they use the gay angle.

That offends me.

UPDATE: The "source" of this story seems to be the Weekly World News... meaning this is total bullshit.

But how many people are going to believe it because it's on Yahoo (and you can't tell easily where the content is from)?

[Thanks to the Inscrutable American for the clarification of the content.]

Get outta my way, W!

I guess I *would* be Presidential Barbie, that is, if Barbie wasn't tall, blonde, and skinny.

Which Barbie are you?

Private to my Hunny...

Happy Anniversary!

Battle Monkeys!

:: jozjozjoz :: is a Rock-Eating Disco Monkey with a Battle Rating of 8.6.
Unleash your own Food-Eating Battle Monkey.

But I still can't beat Judy.

And *poof!* the stains are gone...

I should mention that I wore The Shirt to the wonderful dinner at Shamshiri the other night. [Yes, I wore the same shirt two nights in a row. So sue me.]

I was telling J & C how I had stained it with the pen marks. I looked down to show them the stains, but *poof!* they weren't there.

And then I realized that I had worn the shirt inside-out.

And when I turned the shirt right-side-out in the restroom at the restaurant, *voila!* the stains returned.

[sigh]

Our exciting Saturday night...

On Saturday night, we went out with our friends J & C for dinner at Shamshiri Grill, a Persian restaurant as a belated birthday dinner for my Hunny. The food was very yummy.

No, that is not my car in the picture. I wish.

We headed over to J & C's place afterwards for some more chit-chat and to have some tea. C went over the list of teas they had... red tea, black tea, green tea, Earl Grey, chamomile, etc, etc.

We settled on regular green tea because we didn't want anything too complicated and C says:

"Yeah, I don't know what people are thinking with some of those mixed teas. I once tried one that was supposed to be toffee tea, but it tasted like butt-shavings. Blecch."

J asked if C had actually tasted butt-shavings, but C said: "No, but evidently they taste like toffee."

Um, ew!

I don't care what anyone says. I will never be able to drink toffee tea now. Ever.

Ew.

Letter you never want to see from your tenants...

...but that I actually sent to my landlords.

Yes, just like this.

--- excerpt from actual e-mail to my landlords ---
Subject: FYI (otherwise known as "Things Joz broke this weekend while you were gone")

Just so you know, the water faucet outside your kitchen door is turned off because the switch to the hose is broken. I found this out today when I tried to clean the driveway and instead was sprayed in the face with a giant stream of water. The pieces to the switch are in the garage on the desk (also with the newly washed tablecloth).

Please don't try to turn on the water, as you will be sprayed in the face (like I was). Since the girls [dogs Moca and Terra] now cannot drink from the faucet, I put a couple of bowls of water out for them.

The other thing is the string on the garage door got wet in the rain and when I grabbed it, one end either broke or came undone. I don't know which.

The good news is that I did not break the dogs, so hopefully you will not worry too much the next time you guys leave us alone here. In fact, I had a good time with the girls [again, the dogs Moca & Terra] and there was only one Terra-piddling-accident inside our place, so all was good.

Be glad that Y [my Hunny] is the one who is normally home & not me.

Thanks!

Yay! My computer is back!

That is all.

Now to pass out and sleep.

I wore The Shirt today

Faded black erase marker stain and all...

...then I held my ball-point pen the wrong way and marked all over the same poor shirt with it.

No, not on purpose.

Arrrgh.

Better than the orgy at Carly's?

Carly says this one beats her orgy...

But I don't agree.

Her orgy still rules.

Image borrowed from Carly's awesome site

How do you remove a dry erase marker stain?

This isn't supposed to be "clever" or "funny."

Seriously, I dropped a marker and my shirt blocked the fall.

I was given a BRAND NEW shirt and got it stained the second day I had it.

Grrrrr.

Help.

MORE: It was lavender shirt vs. black dry erase marker.

Right now, the score is
Shirt: 0
Marker: 1

And I've already tried to spot remove it (tried soap, shampoo, detergent). The stain is a little lighter... but not much. [sigh]

Cha-ching!

I was chatting with Yvonne and all of a sudden she stopped typing. It turned out she was pulling her son's tooth...

...Our parents are from Taiwan & were still learning about American culture, so when my brother and I were kids & losing our teeth (boy that was a long time ago), we wanted to get our tooth fairy money.

So, like good kids, we told Mom and Dad about the tooth fairy modus-operandi and we conned them into putting $20-bills under our pillows for each tooth.

Cha-ching!

Oooh baby!

gingersmack got me goin' hmmmmmm with this one...

Forget Einstein, here's TRUE genius...

Yvonne was saying how her tits always popping out of her Wonder Bra. Joelle and gingersmack concurred.

Without getting too specific about my personal experiences on this topic, you should know that "Oh, hello, what are you doing out here?" has been heard coming out of my mouth.

My theory is that the whole "Wonder Bra" thing is actually a clever ploy from some guy who wanted to see rogue tits popping out... Market the "wonder bras" to women "enhance their bustlines," but REALLY design them to push boobs out for the world to see.

Genius! Abso-fucking-lutely genius.

They cashed The Check

This is kind of old news, but for the record, they cashed The Infamous Check.

On March 4, no less. They move fast.

Another week whizzes by...

Where does the time go. I can't remember what I did yesterday & last week seems like a lifetime ago.

I blame Mai Tai Monday.

Washington DC, Day 3

Can I even remember that far back? It was only a week ago, but I can't really recall what the heck I did that day. I knew I should have written it down while it was still fresh. Darn.

Let's see...

I remember that we spent Tuesday night/Wednesday morning in Warrenton (I got up early even though I'd stayed up to an insanely late hour). We headed to downtown Warrenton and drove around the Airlie House. I felt like such an L.A. girl DRIVING everywhere... but it was POURING rain, so I didn't feel too guilty about all the driving.

We headed back to the city we wanted to see if the cherry blossoms had bloomed. Alas, the one disappointment about the trip was that I was about a week too early to see them.

That night, I think met my friend Ann at Dupont Circle and we had dinner at this awesome Cuban food place near the Capitol. Yummy. :)

Pleasant day, despite the rain. :)

Whole lot o' neglectin' goin' on... too busy drinkin' a mai tai!

I thought that I'd be able to blog more since I've now returned from my trip to Washington DC, but ironically, I am even busier now than I was before/during the trip. Go figure.

Monday night, I went out for drinks at the (famous) Formosa Cafe with a really cool bunch of folks. The photo above is where we were sitting the other night. We didn't know who were in 90% of the photos on the wall.

The waitress (who'd worked there for 28 years, she said) kept pushin' their "famous mai tai" on us, so we all went for it. The first two sips were good. At the third sip, you realize that all the alcohol is already gone & all you have is some watered down juice at the bottom of your glass.

Oh well, the good company made it a worthwhile evening out.

Maybe next time, I'll have to order an x-rated cocktail, instead.

April Fools Day!

I have nothing to say about it.